I really would like to do some things, some life changing, some more fanciful...but, these wants desires etc.
1) I would like (badly) to have more children. I know I have issues, but I'm willing to put the work in to lose the weight so I can get my tubal reversed. I've also been taking supplements to try and control my PCOS symptoms. I don't know what is going to happen, but If I am as healthy a possible, if the other impediments ever lift, I want to be ready. Do I think the other impediments are going to lift? I don't know, I've been praying for years, and so far God is either saying No or a very insistent wait.
2) I would like to be a Stay at home mom. nuff said :)
3) I want to see Castles.
4) I'd love to see Israel
5) I want a PT cruiser :)
6) I'd love to have time to volunteer at Michaels school.
7) I'd love to make christmas cookies with my sisters.
8) I want to travel Scotland, and England
9) I'd love to get one of those all day spa packages with massages, body wraps, facials etc.
10) I've always dramed of running a marathon
11) I would like to go to university...but not unless I figure out what I actually want to do, and if it is realistic with my limitations.
12) Camping in Yellowstone
13) historical tour of US to show Michael.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
I wrote a poem...
It's not a very good poem of course...but it's mine :)
Then a scary thing happened, I was talking about it at dinner. (as part of my search for a poem for a christmas project I'm doing)
So, i said" I even wrote a poem trying to say the right thing, but it didn't say what I needed it to say.
Then Michael asked if he could hear it. and Nick asked as well
I immediately got butterflies i my stomach, but, how could I refuse my six year old?
Also, I've recently had input from two separate people, without me asking that I've always kept my feelings inside, never shared the real me. I found that quite stunning that both people (my sisters) knew that all these years. I thought I was hiding so well.
So, long story short, I shared a piece of myself tonight with Michael and Nick. Nick said it was good. It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't, it expressed something inside.
Will I post it here? Maybe after I rework it more :)
Then a scary thing happened, I was talking about it at dinner. (as part of my search for a poem for a christmas project I'm doing)
So, i said" I even wrote a poem trying to say the right thing, but it didn't say what I needed it to say.
Then Michael asked if he could hear it. and Nick asked as well
I immediately got butterflies i my stomach, but, how could I refuse my six year old?
Also, I've recently had input from two separate people, without me asking that I've always kept my feelings inside, never shared the real me. I found that quite stunning that both people (my sisters) knew that all these years. I thought I was hiding so well.
So, long story short, I shared a piece of myself tonight with Michael and Nick. Nick said it was good. It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't, it expressed something inside.
Will I post it here? Maybe after I rework it more :)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Today I'm i a bad way...
and, I don't even know why.
I got serious with my weight loss last week and lost three lbs . Whoohoo, so thats good.
I have a new beautiful niece, Kylie she was born Nov 5th. I should hopefully see her and my brother and his wife by the end of the month.
Michael is doing really well in school. He's one of the best readers in his class, he made A's in math and science (and B's or B+'s in everything else) He's making friends and gets along well with others, he's good at sports and he's artistic (sp. music)...he is doing very well.
I just had a great visit with my sister. Really great, I love getting to know my siblings as adults and shedding the notions of who they once were and seeing how they have changed. I find the older i get I have more in common with some, less with others, and yet we all share a common bond.
And yet...I plagued by anxiety today. I have much to be grateful for, but I have an overwhelming feeling of dread in my heart, and nervous energy coursing through my body. And...I feel like I'm going to burst out crying at any moment.
I had multiple anxiety attacks last night that kept waking me up...so it looks like I have to go back on the sleeping medication for at least a while.
So, what am I anxious about?
1) I don't know. I can't point to any one thing and say this set me off.
2) Money, of course. I know that God will provide, I believe this with every fiber of my being, and I have seen His hand in my life more times than I can count, and yet, I feel a huge burden right now. I know what is happening right now is absolutely what needs to be happening, but, I wasn't built for this.
3) Weather...I'm scared of going crazy again this winter. I'm trying to have a positive outlook, and get outside when it s sunny. I've also started vitamin d supplements, but , when it is sunny, it's also at least -14, which is fricken cold. I'm at work during most of the daylight, so I don't have many opportunities to get outside. Mostly, I'm deeply afraid one of these winters I'm going to lose it for good, even though I have all the skills now and I'm trying to use them.
4) Support Network...All I have time for these days is running the house, so my support has fallen by the wayside. The people I had been depending on for support when I finished my program all needed my support as soon as my program ended, so I was immediately cast into the caretaker role. I don't mind that role, not in the least, but, I feel like I hadn't even fully recovered, and then I had to take on 10 times more responsibility than normal.
5) My job is stressful right now. Taking a day off because I can't function properly is just adding to the job stress, but what can i do?
Overall I'm overwrought, overset, and probably need to call my doctor for a refill of clonazapam, as I don't see anything changing in the near future.
I got serious with my weight loss last week and lost three lbs . Whoohoo, so thats good.
I have a new beautiful niece, Kylie she was born Nov 5th. I should hopefully see her and my brother and his wife by the end of the month.
Michael is doing really well in school. He's one of the best readers in his class, he made A's in math and science (and B's or B+'s in everything else) He's making friends and gets along well with others, he's good at sports and he's artistic (sp. music)...he is doing very well.
I just had a great visit with my sister. Really great, I love getting to know my siblings as adults and shedding the notions of who they once were and seeing how they have changed. I find the older i get I have more in common with some, less with others, and yet we all share a common bond.
And yet...I plagued by anxiety today. I have much to be grateful for, but I have an overwhelming feeling of dread in my heart, and nervous energy coursing through my body. And...I feel like I'm going to burst out crying at any moment.
I had multiple anxiety attacks last night that kept waking me up...so it looks like I have to go back on the sleeping medication for at least a while.
So, what am I anxious about?
1) I don't know. I can't point to any one thing and say this set me off.
2) Money, of course. I know that God will provide, I believe this with every fiber of my being, and I have seen His hand in my life more times than I can count, and yet, I feel a huge burden right now. I know what is happening right now is absolutely what needs to be happening, but, I wasn't built for this.
3) Weather...I'm scared of going crazy again this winter. I'm trying to have a positive outlook, and get outside when it s sunny. I've also started vitamin d supplements, but , when it is sunny, it's also at least -14, which is fricken cold. I'm at work during most of the daylight, so I don't have many opportunities to get outside. Mostly, I'm deeply afraid one of these winters I'm going to lose it for good, even though I have all the skills now and I'm trying to use them.
4) Support Network...All I have time for these days is running the house, so my support has fallen by the wayside. The people I had been depending on for support when I finished my program all needed my support as soon as my program ended, so I was immediately cast into the caretaker role. I don't mind that role, not in the least, but, I feel like I hadn't even fully recovered, and then I had to take on 10 times more responsibility than normal.
5) My job is stressful right now. Taking a day off because I can't function properly is just adding to the job stress, but what can i do?
Overall I'm overwrought, overset, and probably need to call my doctor for a refill of clonazapam, as I don't see anything changing in the near future.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Yipes, it's been a while!
It's been a busy stressful time lately.
What's new? :)
Today, I finally decided I had to get serious about my weight.
I have a LOT to lose. But, I'm not focusing on how much I have to lose.
These are my first goals:
1. Stay on plan all day today. (so far...check)
2. Drink at least 64 ounces of water daily. (need more)
3. lose 10 lbs
When I accomplish these goals, I will re-evaluate.
I have also been concentrating on working on my PCOS, taking supplements that should help, being diligent about my Metformin. My main goal right now is to get my PCOS under control.
I have been checking my blood sugar, and it was on the edge of being scary for a while there, so I really need to get this under control.
So, here I am, actually dieting, trying to exercise, getting proper rest, supplements.
All that good stuff. :)
Hopefully I will see results quickly. :)
What's new? :)
Today, I finally decided I had to get serious about my weight.
I have a LOT to lose. But, I'm not focusing on how much I have to lose.
These are my first goals:
1. Stay on plan all day today. (so far...check)
2. Drink at least 64 ounces of water daily. (need more)
3. lose 10 lbs
When I accomplish these goals, I will re-evaluate.
I have also been concentrating on working on my PCOS, taking supplements that should help, being diligent about my Metformin. My main goal right now is to get my PCOS under control.
I have been checking my blood sugar, and it was on the edge of being scary for a while there, so I really need to get this under control.
So, here I am, actually dieting, trying to exercise, getting proper rest, supplements.
All that good stuff. :)
Hopefully I will see results quickly. :)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Some cute things Michael has said/done lately
This morning, he got up at 7 am, and of course it was dark. He came into the computer room and said, Why are we up so early? I told him it was 7, and time to get up. Then he looked out the window and saw the sun just starting to turn the sky pink. He said, Can you open my bedroom curtains? Sure...no problem. He said, That's so pretty, I've never seen a sunset like that before. I said, well, actually, that's a sunrise. "Oh, well, that's almost the same thing..." Then he got really excited because he saw his first sunrise!
He got a DS for his birthday from his Nonno and Nan. He's been playing his Ben 10 game that we gave him. There is a lot of jumping in it. He's been doing the classic new video game player move...moving his hands and arms instead of just pressing the buttons. He tries to get me to watch him playing the game, but, it makes me sick he moves so much. LOL Maybe he just too used to the Wii. We've also played Mario Kart w/ the three of us, so much fun!
Like I said, for his birthday he got his DS. After he opened all the presents, and he was just basking in the glow. I asked him, so, how was your birthday? His response, "Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome and AWESOME!!"
On Sunday I made a commen to him about being tall, he said, "Yeah, I'm six now I grew from yesterday."
In the car on the way home yesterday he told me a kid taught him all the swear words. So, I asked what words. He said, "Do I have to tell you?" I told him no, but it would be good for me to know so I can explain why it's not a good word for him to use. So he said, "Well, I learned the 'N' word." My heart dropped, he's learning THAT in grade 1?? My knees quaking, I asked him to tell me what that word was... his reply, "Nerdy" whew...crisis averted. blah blah blah, nerdy isn't a swear word, but it's not something nice to call someone. blah blah blah.
"So, what about the "P" word?" he asked. What 'P' word? after some hesitation, he tells me Pathetic. I explain again that it isnt' a swear word. lol We finally get done with the grueling five minute car ride home, and he says he doesn't want to say anymore bad words. LOL
He really is a gem. :)
He got a DS for his birthday from his Nonno and Nan. He's been playing his Ben 10 game that we gave him. There is a lot of jumping in it. He's been doing the classic new video game player move...moving his hands and arms instead of just pressing the buttons. He tries to get me to watch him playing the game, but, it makes me sick he moves so much. LOL Maybe he just too used to the Wii. We've also played Mario Kart w/ the three of us, so much fun!
Like I said, for his birthday he got his DS. After he opened all the presents, and he was just basking in the glow. I asked him, so, how was your birthday? His response, "Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome and AWESOME!!"
On Sunday I made a commen to him about being tall, he said, "Yeah, I'm six now I grew from yesterday."
In the car on the way home yesterday he told me a kid taught him all the swear words. So, I asked what words. He said, "Do I have to tell you?" I told him no, but it would be good for me to know so I can explain why it's not a good word for him to use. So he said, "Well, I learned the 'N' word." My heart dropped, he's learning THAT in grade 1?? My knees quaking, I asked him to tell me what that word was... his reply, "Nerdy" whew...crisis averted. blah blah blah, nerdy isn't a swear word, but it's not something nice to call someone. blah blah blah.
"So, what about the "P" word?" he asked. What 'P' word? after some hesitation, he tells me Pathetic. I explain again that it isnt' a swear word. lol We finally get done with the grueling five minute car ride home, and he says he doesn't want to say anymore bad words. LOL
He really is a gem. :)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Couldn't sleep anymore....
I don't know why, it was only about 6:30 on Saturday morning. I kept babbling and babbling to DH, keeping him up when he obviously wanted to go back to sleep.
So, I decided to get up and leave him alone.
I may as well blog and get whats in my brain, out.
First of all, today is Michael's birthday party. This time six years ago, I had been in labour for almost 24 hours. I spent the whole night up dealing with contractions, I had woken Nick up and told him I wanted to go back to the hospital again. We finally got there and checked in at around 11 am. I refused any medication for a long long time. I refused interventions, continuously as I slowly dilated.
The day before when I had first started labour and went in even though it was just beginning because they were going to induce me. I was 3 cms. I had a choice, I could stay there and they could do the induction or go home and let things happen naturally. I went home. When I went back the next day I was five cms. So, 24 hours of labour, 2 cms. And, I had regular contractions that entire time, timeable, regular contractions, getting closer together, the whole nine yards.
So, as I said, I was back at the hospital the next day at around 11 am. I was dilated to 5 cms. I had been in labour since 8:30 the day before. I refused interventions all day long. No drugs, no water breaking, no pitocin, no cervidil. I walked the halls for hours, and hours. Rocked in a rocking chair. Finally, at around 8:00, when I was dilated to 8cms, I agreed to let them break my water, they told me we needed to speed this up for Michaels sake.
That is when the doctor finally discovered Michael was facing the wrong way. Face up. I knew this. I had known this for weeks. I had been asking her, is he facing the right way? She said she couldn't know for sure But, when it came down to it, I knew he wasn't. They had me do some things to try to get him to turn. I think now they were just appeasing me.
At 9:30-10:00, they had 'the talk' with me. My labour had slowed down, the contractions were getting farther apart, , I needed pitocin to kick start things. I told them I wouldn't take the pitocin until they gave me an epidural. LOL I as now dilated to 9. At some point they weren't able to get heart tones reliably through my belly anymore, and they needed to monitor inside. So, now my mobility was limited. (and my labor slowed down even further, what a shock!)
The worst part of my labour was while I was waiting for the epidural guy and getting the epidural. After I got the epi, they brought in a bed for Nick to take a rest, and I tried getting some sleep. After a while, it wore off on half my body, so they had to do up the medication, or redo it, I don't exaclty remember. It was 1:00 in the morning or so.
Finally, at 2:45, the doctor made the call. Labor was slowing down even further. I was still dilated to 9, but Michaels head hadn't dropped at all, he couldn't engage, and just get out. He was starting to show stress from the long labour, his heart rate was going wacky
They woke up Nick, prepped me, and Michael was born at 3:25. 8 lbs 12 ounces, 20 inches tall. I don't remember exactly how big his head was...but it was in the 95%. His apgars were 9 and 10. He was fine. I think he couldn't engage because I cracked my tailbone when I was young, and with his head being big, my tailbone not having as much mobility as it should have, and him facing the wrong way...not the right combo. In the end, it didn't matter. He's here...he's healthy. He's a wonderful, creative, smart, caring, six year old. :)
Six years, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I guess because he's probably the only child I'm ever going to raise I hold onto those memories particulary close. Having had a miscarriage about six weeks ago doesn't help. It was very early, but it was still hard for me.
Anyway, I have a lot to do today. He starts indoor soccer today. For the next 20 weeks, on Saturday mornings he's going to learn soccer skills. After soccer, it's grocery shoppping. (I have to make sure to get the rest of the Thanksgiving stuff)
Then I have to finish his Ben 10 cake. I messed up the light grey icing I needed to make last night, so I have make a new batch. Somehow I ended up with purple icing! I will post pics when I'm done. Then, I have to go to the store and pick up a couple more birthday related things.
Then, it's 4 o'clock for his little party. He's having a friend over we're watching a movie "Honey I shrunk the Kids", then having pizza, cake and presents.
Busy day ahead, no wonder I couldn't sleep!
So, I decided to get up and leave him alone.
I may as well blog and get whats in my brain, out.
First of all, today is Michael's birthday party. This time six years ago, I had been in labour for almost 24 hours. I spent the whole night up dealing with contractions, I had woken Nick up and told him I wanted to go back to the hospital again. We finally got there and checked in at around 11 am. I refused any medication for a long long time. I refused interventions, continuously as I slowly dilated.
The day before when I had first started labour and went in even though it was just beginning because they were going to induce me. I was 3 cms. I had a choice, I could stay there and they could do the induction or go home and let things happen naturally. I went home. When I went back the next day I was five cms. So, 24 hours of labour, 2 cms. And, I had regular contractions that entire time, timeable, regular contractions, getting closer together, the whole nine yards.
So, as I said, I was back at the hospital the next day at around 11 am. I was dilated to 5 cms. I had been in labour since 8:30 the day before. I refused interventions all day long. No drugs, no water breaking, no pitocin, no cervidil. I walked the halls for hours, and hours. Rocked in a rocking chair. Finally, at around 8:00, when I was dilated to 8cms, I agreed to let them break my water, they told me we needed to speed this up for Michaels sake.
That is when the doctor finally discovered Michael was facing the wrong way. Face up. I knew this. I had known this for weeks. I had been asking her, is he facing the right way? She said she couldn't know for sure But, when it came down to it, I knew he wasn't. They had me do some things to try to get him to turn. I think now they were just appeasing me.
At 9:30-10:00, they had 'the talk' with me. My labour had slowed down, the contractions were getting farther apart, , I needed pitocin to kick start things. I told them I wouldn't take the pitocin until they gave me an epidural. LOL I as now dilated to 9. At some point they weren't able to get heart tones reliably through my belly anymore, and they needed to monitor inside. So, now my mobility was limited. (and my labor slowed down even further, what a shock!)
The worst part of my labour was while I was waiting for the epidural guy and getting the epidural. After I got the epi, they brought in a bed for Nick to take a rest, and I tried getting some sleep. After a while, it wore off on half my body, so they had to do up the medication, or redo it, I don't exaclty remember. It was 1:00 in the morning or so.
Finally, at 2:45, the doctor made the call. Labor was slowing down even further. I was still dilated to 9, but Michaels head hadn't dropped at all, he couldn't engage, and just get out. He was starting to show stress from the long labour, his heart rate was going wacky
They woke up Nick, prepped me, and Michael was born at 3:25. 8 lbs 12 ounces, 20 inches tall. I don't remember exactly how big his head was...but it was in the 95%. His apgars were 9 and 10. He was fine. I think he couldn't engage because I cracked my tailbone when I was young, and with his head being big, my tailbone not having as much mobility as it should have, and him facing the wrong way...not the right combo. In the end, it didn't matter. He's here...he's healthy. He's a wonderful, creative, smart, caring, six year old. :)
Six years, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I guess because he's probably the only child I'm ever going to raise I hold onto those memories particulary close. Having had a miscarriage about six weeks ago doesn't help. It was very early, but it was still hard for me.
Anyway, I have a lot to do today. He starts indoor soccer today. For the next 20 weeks, on Saturday mornings he's going to learn soccer skills. After soccer, it's grocery shoppping. (I have to make sure to get the rest of the Thanksgiving stuff)
Then I have to finish his Ben 10 cake. I messed up the light grey icing I needed to make last night, so I have make a new batch. Somehow I ended up with purple icing! I will post pics when I'm done. Then, I have to go to the store and pick up a couple more birthday related things.
Then, it's 4 o'clock for his little party. He's having a friend over we're watching a movie "Honey I shrunk the Kids", then having pizza, cake and presents.
Busy day ahead, no wonder I couldn't sleep!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Michael is almost six...
Nick and Michael are tired of hearing about it...but he's my only one, so as he gets older, I get more nostalgic.
This time six years ago, Michael was almost two weeks late. (orginal due date 9/27) I was taking walks, doing exercising to try and turn him around, and basically despairing that he would NEVER be born. :)
I've been teasing Michael that if he had arrived on time he would already be six. I finally went into labor on 10/10, the morning they were going to start the process for induction, and Michael was born via emergency C-section on 10/12
I can't believe how much my little guy has changed, and our family has changed in that time. I can't believe how quickly six years passes. You blink your eyes, and your little squirmy baby is a Ben 10 watching, bike riding, reading kid, with his own opinions, wants, desires. It's amazing.
Sigh. :) it goes so quickly. :)
This time six years ago, Michael was almost two weeks late. (orginal due date 9/27) I was taking walks, doing exercising to try and turn him around, and basically despairing that he would NEVER be born. :)
I've been teasing Michael that if he had arrived on time he would already be six. I finally went into labor on 10/10, the morning they were going to start the process for induction, and Michael was born via emergency C-section on 10/12
I can't believe how much my little guy has changed, and our family has changed in that time. I can't believe how quickly six years passes. You blink your eyes, and your little squirmy baby is a Ben 10 watching, bike riding, reading kid, with his own opinions, wants, desires. It's amazing.
Sigh. :) it goes so quickly. :)
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Busy Busy!
I'm back at work full time, which is good. But, it is also busy.
I finished my course on Sept 24th, which is good. I'm about therapied out for a while.
In the meantime, I decided to do something for myself. I'm auditioning for a Women's barbershop chorus. It's very fun. The audition process is 5-7 weeks long, depending on when I feel ready to audition. They are a very competitive group, made up of about 100 women. In order to make it I have to have my words and notes 100% correct. So, we'll see how I do. :) The audition songs are Oh, You Beautiful Doll and How Many Hearts Have You Broken? So far, I'm enjoying it a lot. I've forgotten how much I love singing in a big group, I should have done this a long time ago. They put me in the bass section. (Barbershop style has Lead, Bass, Baritone and Tenor) In traditional choirs I have usually been in the lower alto range, but have occastionally sung 2nd soprano or tenor depending on what was needed. She was impressed with my range, but really liked the quality of my low tones...so, bass it was. I wasn't exactly suprised. I find the bass sections are quite fun so far. Not boring at all like I thought they would be. :)
Hmm...what else...
I'm glad I have the opportunity to vote in two Federal elections in the next month (and a bit..) It's a privelege to have the opportunity (responsibility, right) to participate in the process. This will be the first time I get to vote as a Canadian citizen, and I will vote absentee as a US citizen. I am looking forward to it very much, I haven't looked so forward to an election in my life. I took an interesting test today. http://www.barackobamatest.com/ I wasn't surprised at my result.
I have spent a lot of time praying for many of my family, extended family, friends and their families. Lots of people I know have been having a rough time. If that describes you, know that you have been in my prayers. I have been spending lots of time in prayer for all of you. I came across a verse today
Romans 12:12 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer
Next week is mental illness awareness week. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do to raise awareness, but, I'm going to do 'something'.
It may just be wearing a ribbon or something, it may be something.
We shall see.
I'm off to watch House.
I finished my course on Sept 24th, which is good. I'm about therapied out for a while.
In the meantime, I decided to do something for myself. I'm auditioning for a Women's barbershop chorus. It's very fun. The audition process is 5-7 weeks long, depending on when I feel ready to audition. They are a very competitive group, made up of about 100 women. In order to make it I have to have my words and notes 100% correct. So, we'll see how I do. :) The audition songs are Oh, You Beautiful Doll and How Many Hearts Have You Broken? So far, I'm enjoying it a lot. I've forgotten how much I love singing in a big group, I should have done this a long time ago. They put me in the bass section. (Barbershop style has Lead, Bass, Baritone and Tenor) In traditional choirs I have usually been in the lower alto range, but have occastionally sung 2nd soprano or tenor depending on what was needed. She was impressed with my range, but really liked the quality of my low tones...so, bass it was. I wasn't exactly suprised. I find the bass sections are quite fun so far. Not boring at all like I thought they would be. :)
Hmm...what else...
I'm glad I have the opportunity to vote in two Federal elections in the next month (and a bit..) It's a privelege to have the opportunity (responsibility, right) to participate in the process. This will be the first time I get to vote as a Canadian citizen, and I will vote absentee as a US citizen. I am looking forward to it very much, I haven't looked so forward to an election in my life. I took an interesting test today. http://www.barackobamatest.com/ I wasn't surprised at my result.
I have spent a lot of time praying for many of my family, extended family, friends and their families. Lots of people I know have been having a rough time. If that describes you, know that you have been in my prayers. I have been spending lots of time in prayer for all of you. I came across a verse today
Romans 12:12 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer
Next week is mental illness awareness week. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do to raise awareness, but, I'm going to do 'something'.
It may just be wearing a ribbon or something, it may be something.
We shall see.
I'm off to watch House.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Update
Where to begin?
I've been back to work two weeks, and I'd say so far it has been a successful return to work. The people did not treat me weird like I was fearing. Everything was back to normal. There was one pushy person who wanted more details than I was comfortable giving, but, I managed to be firm about my boundaries. Yay me!
Today I had a regular chat like I used to with one of my co-workers, so I really felt like things were back the way they used to be. It was definitely a good feeling. I was so scared before I went back I didn't even want to go back. I'm glad I did.
I realized over the past couple days that I haven't been keeping up with my wellness as much as I should have, so I have put plans in place to stop it, right here and get back on track. I now have a meal plan for dinners, I have put exercise back in. (the half marathon is off :( because I got a stress fracture and had to stop running for a while) Also, I've been doing my relaxation again. I'm putting plan in place to get the housework done during the week, to free up time on the weekends. All of that sort of thing. I really should have done these things before I went back to work, but, I didn't. But, that's okay, I'm doing it now.
Why did I stray a bit with my wellness? The past three weeks have been quite stressful. The week before my return to work was really bad. I had to deal with some stuff that really sucked, a lot. Then, school started, as well as going to work. My program has been really difficult for various reasons. Basically, it's been one stressful thing after another. So, I let things slip. As a result, I noticed I've been more tired, and a bit more irritable. I've really felt like I need just a little time to myself. I don't think I going to be able to get that any time soon. However, with the relaxation, and the other things I'm sure I'll be back on track in no time. I already feel better taking authority over things rather than letting the days slip by and sinking a little deeper each day.
I'm bummed that I had to stop training for the half marathon. Unfortunately, I trained to much in too short of time and got a stress fracture. However, I can run again now, and I'm taking it slow. A friend and I are going to go to Toronto in October, we're staying the weekend and running a 10K at the end of it. We're also seeing Dirty Dancing and doing a little sight seeing. So, that is a good goal for me to work towards. I have to keep my training slow and easy, so I don't injure myself again and have to miss out on this race.
The good things? Michael is loving first grade. He's trading bakugon (sp?) with his new friends, enjoying the math and has a teacher who puts a LOT of emphasis on reading. He was very proud to tell us that he has a reading goal last night. He loves reading and is getting quite good at it.
I'm really content for the first time, in a long time. I'm happy here. I know 100% that I made the right choice when I moved up here. I was looking at my facebook account today and noticed how my family was all spread out. It was weird, but for the first time it kind of made me happy to know that the people in my family were comfortable enough with themselves to make the decisions that were right for them, even if it meant being far away from family. I know it's kind of a weird perspective. However, over this summer I've finally, come to terms with living here in Canada. I've finally accepted that it really was my choice, not something that was foisted upon me by circumstance. As a result, the house is starting to be decorated more. Where we live is a great location for walking in the woods, I love doing that. I'd also love to get out to the Gatineaus this fall, I'm hoping for some decent colour. Basically, I'm just happier, and more content with things.
Check back with me mid-march and I'll give you an update on how I feel about things then. ;) Actually, I will be supplementing with Vitamin D and making sure to get outside for at least 15 mins on the sunny days this winter to avoid the crushing depression I had last winter.
Overall, I had a minor set back, but, I'm doing well.
Oh, and I changed the address of my blog because it was just too long before.
I've been back to work two weeks, and I'd say so far it has been a successful return to work. The people did not treat me weird like I was fearing. Everything was back to normal. There was one pushy person who wanted more details than I was comfortable giving, but, I managed to be firm about my boundaries. Yay me!
Today I had a regular chat like I used to with one of my co-workers, so I really felt like things were back the way they used to be. It was definitely a good feeling. I was so scared before I went back I didn't even want to go back. I'm glad I did.
I realized over the past couple days that I haven't been keeping up with my wellness as much as I should have, so I have put plans in place to stop it, right here and get back on track. I now have a meal plan for dinners, I have put exercise back in. (the half marathon is off :( because I got a stress fracture and had to stop running for a while) Also, I've been doing my relaxation again. I'm putting plan in place to get the housework done during the week, to free up time on the weekends. All of that sort of thing. I really should have done these things before I went back to work, but, I didn't. But, that's okay, I'm doing it now.
Why did I stray a bit with my wellness? The past three weeks have been quite stressful. The week before my return to work was really bad. I had to deal with some stuff that really sucked, a lot. Then, school started, as well as going to work. My program has been really difficult for various reasons. Basically, it's been one stressful thing after another. So, I let things slip. As a result, I noticed I've been more tired, and a bit more irritable. I've really felt like I need just a little time to myself. I don't think I going to be able to get that any time soon. However, with the relaxation, and the other things I'm sure I'll be back on track in no time. I already feel better taking authority over things rather than letting the days slip by and sinking a little deeper each day.
I'm bummed that I had to stop training for the half marathon. Unfortunately, I trained to much in too short of time and got a stress fracture. However, I can run again now, and I'm taking it slow. A friend and I are going to go to Toronto in October, we're staying the weekend and running a 10K at the end of it. We're also seeing Dirty Dancing and doing a little sight seeing. So, that is a good goal for me to work towards. I have to keep my training slow and easy, so I don't injure myself again and have to miss out on this race.
The good things? Michael is loving first grade. He's trading bakugon (sp?) with his new friends, enjoying the math and has a teacher who puts a LOT of emphasis on reading. He was very proud to tell us that he has a reading goal last night. He loves reading and is getting quite good at it.
I'm really content for the first time, in a long time. I'm happy here. I know 100% that I made the right choice when I moved up here. I was looking at my facebook account today and noticed how my family was all spread out. It was weird, but for the first time it kind of made me happy to know that the people in my family were comfortable enough with themselves to make the decisions that were right for them, even if it meant being far away from family. I know it's kind of a weird perspective. However, over this summer I've finally, come to terms with living here in Canada. I've finally accepted that it really was my choice, not something that was foisted upon me by circumstance. As a result, the house is starting to be decorated more. Where we live is a great location for walking in the woods, I love doing that. I'd also love to get out to the Gatineaus this fall, I'm hoping for some decent colour. Basically, I'm just happier, and more content with things.
Check back with me mid-march and I'll give you an update on how I feel about things then. ;) Actually, I will be supplementing with Vitamin D and making sure to get outside for at least 15 mins on the sunny days this winter to avoid the crushing depression I had last winter.
Overall, I had a minor set back, but, I'm doing well.
Oh, and I changed the address of my blog because it was just too long before.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Back to Work!
I'm back to work tomorrow!
It's a bit of a scary prospect, I haven't worked at my job since April 25th.
We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
This evening Michael expressed reservations about how he was going to fit in at his new school in 1st grade...I have reservations about how I'm going to fit in after my four month sick leave. I'm sure everyone knows it's for mental health reasons. Let's hope it goes well.
It's a bit of a scary prospect, I haven't worked at my job since April 25th.
We'll see how it goes tomorrow.
This evening Michael expressed reservations about how he was going to fit in at his new school in 1st grade...I have reservations about how I'm going to fit in after my four month sick leave. I'm sure everyone knows it's for mental health reasons. Let's hope it goes well.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Some Pictures I took Today
I loved this red leaf. Fall is coming fast.
Who can resist a sleeping boy?
Just another one of my standard paths. I love the walking trails along here. I need to get out and get some pictures as soon as fall hits, then winter. :)
This one I was messing around.
I don't know what those brown things are called, but I love the way it looks in the tall grass.
I came across this on the path. I know it's not a 'real' one, but I wonder who built it. A family out on a walk? A group of daycare kids? Someone practicing with the flat rocks that were in the area?Lots of people builds these here. They are called inuksuit, and according to http://www.inukshukgallery.com They are monuments made of unworked stones that are used by the Inuit for communication and survival. The traditional meaning of the inukshuk is "Someone was here" or "You are on the right path."
I woke up with a song in my head
Because I need to do a blog about it.
I've been in my day program, and I'm almost finished. I've gotten a lot out of it. It's helped me learn lots of new coping skills, and basically, how to accept my own feelings and have some self confidence. Dh has noticed huge changes in me, how I deal with things. As I change, he has changed, we're dealing together on a whole different level. The past four months have been amazing for our relationship.
I thought as I went through the program, I would end up delving a lot into my past, but I really didn't. But, somehow, as I learned the new skills, slowly, but surely the past issues, came up, and I learned to deal with the past in healthy ways. Some specific things have come up this week that have forced me to deal directly with things that have happened in the past. I've dealt with them very differently than I did before.
What does that have to do with a song?
This has been going through my head since almost the moment I woke up this morning.
This song is for my wonderful DH. I wish I could sing it for you.
It says exactly what I'm feeling.
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
I've been in my day program, and I'm almost finished. I've gotten a lot out of it. It's helped me learn lots of new coping skills, and basically, how to accept my own feelings and have some self confidence. Dh has noticed huge changes in me, how I deal with things. As I change, he has changed, we're dealing together on a whole different level. The past four months have been amazing for our relationship.
I thought as I went through the program, I would end up delving a lot into my past, but I really didn't. But, somehow, as I learned the new skills, slowly, but surely the past issues, came up, and I learned to deal with the past in healthy ways. Some specific things have come up this week that have forced me to deal directly with things that have happened in the past. I've dealt with them very differently than I did before.
What does that have to do with a song?
This has been going through my head since almost the moment I woke up this morning.
This song is for my wonderful DH. I wish I could sing it for you.
It says exactly what I'm feeling.
There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tough Week
I don't want to go into details,
but it has been a hell of a week.
There has been good news on my job front though, I countered what my company offered, and they accepted it.
I'll be returning to work next Tuesday.
Other than that, my life has been in an uproar.
but it has been a hell of a week.
There has been good news on my job front though, I countered what my company offered, and they accepted it.
I'll be returning to work next Tuesday.
Other than that, my life has been in an uproar.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Atonement
Atonement is defined as:
1. satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.
2.(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, esp. as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.
3.Christian Science. the experience of humankind's unity with God exemplified by Jesus Christ.
4.Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.
I'm not so much concerned with the third and fourth definition, I want to talk about the first two, eventually.
Yesterday the second part of my class focused on grief and loss. It brought up a whole host of emotions for me. According to the person giving the lecture there are all sorts of losses that one must grieve.
The obvious ones- through death, of parents, children, family members, friends etc.
Then there are less obvious one, a person can have a myriad of losses through a divorce. A whole side of a family, friends, lifestyle, etc.
There are other losses as well. A person can lose a lot when they lose their job. With mental illness there can be many losses you may have to grieve the loss of functioning, or identity, loss of dreams because you just can't pursue certain things because it would be too stressful to pursue that particular thing with the limitations of your illness.
Personally, I've had to grieve the loss of my country, fertility, dreams and a whole host of other things.
It was an interesting class.
I was thinking about how I had incompletely grieved some of my losses. I never truly grieved the loss of my grandma when she died, she didn't have a funeral, and I was 3,000 miles away from my entire family, so I didn't even get to gather around the table and play remember when. Today I wrote an essay about her, I cried about it. I feel some healing happening, where I didn't even know I needed it.
Then I was thinking of some of my other losses, less obvious ones, but ones I still carry around with me. Through some of my own actions and the actions of others I've lost most of the people who knew me before I turned about 25. I still have my immediate family, but there is a whole swath of people who knew me for varying lengths of time that I don't have any contact with. One whole side of my family due to my parents divorce. Friends and family due to my divorce, lots of people. The only people who I have any real relationships who knew me before I was 25 are my Dad and my siblings. And, honestly, living 3,000 miles away, it's hard to maintain a really close connection to them. I am thankful of course, for my family, and for my stepmom who I met right before I turned 25 :)
How does that lead me back to atonement?
I was thinking about it, and I have no real way of making atonement for the wrongs that I have done to some of these people. I definitely can't repair most of the relationships, and I don't believe I can make amends either. To varying degrees I have attempted it, I've tried to reconnect with parts of my family and I've reached out to old friends. But, there haven't been any real bonds re-formed. In some cases, I know it isn't even possible. I don't know how to atone for the wrongs that I've done, and if anyone comes across this blog and thinks this applies to you, know that I am sorry for hurting you. I know that I was wrong.
I've been working on improving myself and trying to do the right thing and be a better person for many years now. I've held a heavy load of guilt for a long time. If you want to more fully discuss it, please email me.
This leads me to the second definition of Atonement.
I know that Jesus Christ died on the Cross to atone for my sins. I thank God every single day that He has.
Here is my understanding of what that means. God gave Adam and Eve free will. When they listened to the lies of the serpent and disobeyed God, they brought sin into the world. A punishment was required for that very first sin, and He pronounced a judgment on them. Death, spiritual, physical, a separation from Him. Since that time, every person has been under the curse of sin. God, being a Holy God cannot tolerate sin, so if we remain in our sin we are separated from Him. But, at that time God also made a provision for salvation. At the proper time He sent His Son to the world to become flesh. His sinless Son, Jesus Christ, took on the sins of the entire world. In his crucifixion and death, He died bearing our sins in order that the punishment for them may be satisfied and we could be reconciled to God.
Praise God, He rose again, He has victory over the grave. He is seated at the right hand of the Father. And, He will come again. (Even so, Come Quickly Lord Jesus!)
Some of my favourite verses
Romans 3: 22-26
22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
John 3:16-17
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 14:1-3
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am
I get choked up every time I read this next one, I can't read it aloud with out tears choking my voice. My little boy always asks me why. I cling to this, a promise.
This is in the New King James version
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. 2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
1. satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.
2.(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, esp. as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.
3.Christian Science. the experience of humankind's unity with God exemplified by Jesus Christ.
4.Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.
I'm not so much concerned with the third and fourth definition, I want to talk about the first two, eventually.
Yesterday the second part of my class focused on grief and loss. It brought up a whole host of emotions for me. According to the person giving the lecture there are all sorts of losses that one must grieve.
The obvious ones- through death, of parents, children, family members, friends etc.
Then there are less obvious one, a person can have a myriad of losses through a divorce. A whole side of a family, friends, lifestyle, etc.
There are other losses as well. A person can lose a lot when they lose their job. With mental illness there can be many losses you may have to grieve the loss of functioning, or identity, loss of dreams because you just can't pursue certain things because it would be too stressful to pursue that particular thing with the limitations of your illness.
Personally, I've had to grieve the loss of my country, fertility, dreams and a whole host of other things.
It was an interesting class.
I was thinking about how I had incompletely grieved some of my losses. I never truly grieved the loss of my grandma when she died, she didn't have a funeral, and I was 3,000 miles away from my entire family, so I didn't even get to gather around the table and play remember when. Today I wrote an essay about her, I cried about it. I feel some healing happening, where I didn't even know I needed it.
Then I was thinking of some of my other losses, less obvious ones, but ones I still carry around with me. Through some of my own actions and the actions of others I've lost most of the people who knew me before I turned about 25. I still have my immediate family, but there is a whole swath of people who knew me for varying lengths of time that I don't have any contact with. One whole side of my family due to my parents divorce. Friends and family due to my divorce, lots of people. The only people who I have any real relationships who knew me before I was 25 are my Dad and my siblings. And, honestly, living 3,000 miles away, it's hard to maintain a really close connection to them. I am thankful of course, for my family, and for my stepmom who I met right before I turned 25 :)
How does that lead me back to atonement?
I was thinking about it, and I have no real way of making atonement for the wrongs that I have done to some of these people. I definitely can't repair most of the relationships, and I don't believe I can make amends either. To varying degrees I have attempted it, I've tried to reconnect with parts of my family and I've reached out to old friends. But, there haven't been any real bonds re-formed. In some cases, I know it isn't even possible. I don't know how to atone for the wrongs that I've done, and if anyone comes across this blog and thinks this applies to you, know that I am sorry for hurting you. I know that I was wrong.
I've been working on improving myself and trying to do the right thing and be a better person for many years now. I've held a heavy load of guilt for a long time. If you want to more fully discuss it, please email me.
This leads me to the second definition of Atonement.
I know that Jesus Christ died on the Cross to atone for my sins. I thank God every single day that He has.
Here is my understanding of what that means. God gave Adam and Eve free will. When they listened to the lies of the serpent and disobeyed God, they brought sin into the world. A punishment was required for that very first sin, and He pronounced a judgment on them. Death, spiritual, physical, a separation from Him. Since that time, every person has been under the curse of sin. God, being a Holy God cannot tolerate sin, so if we remain in our sin we are separated from Him. But, at that time God also made a provision for salvation. At the proper time He sent His Son to the world to become flesh. His sinless Son, Jesus Christ, took on the sins of the entire world. In his crucifixion and death, He died bearing our sins in order that the punishment for them may be satisfied and we could be reconciled to God.
Praise God, He rose again, He has victory over the grave. He is seated at the right hand of the Father. And, He will come again. (Even so, Come Quickly Lord Jesus!)
Some of my favourite verses
Romans 3: 22-26
22This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, 23for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. 25God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement,through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished— 26he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
John 3:16-17
16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 14:1-3
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am
I get choked up every time I read this next one, I can't read it aloud with out tears choking my voice. My little boy always asks me why. I cling to this, a promise.
This is in the New King James version
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. 2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Friday, August 15, 2008
Still don't know what I'm doing
But, I'm taking a break from thinking about it for the weekend.
DH and I aren't even going to talk about it.
I met with my company today, and found out more details on why they are doing this. I think I have all the facts now. I have a week until I have to make a decision.
Until Monday, I'm going to play my Mama Mia soundtrack over and over and be a Dancing Queen.
Then next week DH and I are going to go over the numbers and figure out exactly what we need from my company in order for me to keep working there. They are a great company, but, there is a minimum I have to make, otherwise it doesn't make any sense to stay there.
After my meeting today I wanted to cheer up, so what did I do? Of COURSE I went and saw Mama Mia again!
I still love that movie. That is the 4th time I've seen it. I love it!
Now that I pay for movies with my own hard earned money, I don't often re-watch movies, but I'd go see this one ten more times.
I can't wait for it to come out on DVD. :)
DH and I aren't even going to talk about it.
I met with my company today, and found out more details on why they are doing this. I think I have all the facts now. I have a week until I have to make a decision.
Until Monday, I'm going to play my Mama Mia soundtrack over and over and be a Dancing Queen.
Then next week DH and I are going to go over the numbers and figure out exactly what we need from my company in order for me to keep working there. They are a great company, but, there is a minimum I have to make, otherwise it doesn't make any sense to stay there.
After my meeting today I wanted to cheer up, so what did I do? Of COURSE I went and saw Mama Mia again!
I still love that movie. That is the 4th time I've seen it. I love it!
Now that I pay for movies with my own hard earned money, I don't often re-watch movies, but I'd go see this one ten more times.
I can't wait for it to come out on DVD. :)
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Not exactly sure how to handle this
I contacted my company about my return to work.
All throughout my sick leave they have been very supportive, telling me not to worry about my job, just take the time to get better.
I got an email yesterday documenting the terms of my return. A drastic reduction in pay, a probation for 4 months while I work for less money and only 3 days a week.
I'm utterly shell shocked.
I didn't expect this at all.
I don't know what to do on the whole, so I'm taking some small steps. My company offered to meet with me to discuss the changes that have been made at the company while I've been gone.
So, I'm calling my care coordinator at day program today to get some advice, maybe she knows who can help find out what my actual rights are. And, hopefully she and I can do some cognitive rehearsal, so when I meet with my company I just don't go in there and cry. :)
Other than that...things are good. Michael likes his new daycare. DH and I are doing wonderfully well. Things are really good here.
All throughout my sick leave they have been very supportive, telling me not to worry about my job, just take the time to get better.
I got an email yesterday documenting the terms of my return. A drastic reduction in pay, a probation for 4 months while I work for less money and only 3 days a week.
I'm utterly shell shocked.
I didn't expect this at all.
I don't know what to do on the whole, so I'm taking some small steps. My company offered to meet with me to discuss the changes that have been made at the company while I've been gone.
So, I'm calling my care coordinator at day program today to get some advice, maybe she knows who can help find out what my actual rights are. And, hopefully she and I can do some cognitive rehearsal, so when I meet with my company I just don't go in there and cry. :)
Other than that...things are good. Michael likes his new daycare. DH and I are doing wonderfully well. Things are really good here.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I did something today I don't think I've ever done before!
I mowed the lawn!
We need a cordless lawn mower.
However, that is way down on our list of priorities.
New car to replace our '94 Accord, new roof, school clothes, etc have to take priority when our current mower works fine. :)
I also did something else I've never done before, I replaced the shower head in Michaels shower.
He now has a cool hosed one that hopefully will help in the bathing process, make it easier for him to get his hair washed and make bathtime a quicker and less tear filled prospect.
Nick and Michael are still down at Nick's parents. I needed to come back for my course and an appt. tomorrow, so I took the train up from where they live last night.
I wasn't 'as productive' as I should have been. But, I got unpacked, the dishes are done. The lawn is mowed, the shower head is changed, I registered for my final class for my office admin diploma. I started on a rough draft of scheduling for when I go back to work.
I think I did enough today.
I need to head off to bed, so I alert for my course tomorrow.
I have a busy day ahead.
1) psychiatry appt at 8:30
2) my course until 2 pm
3) I'm desperate for a haircut. (maybe I'll post pictures :) )
4) Trip to Canadian tire to get a shower head for master Bath (also wrench and washing machine hoses)
5) Stop by Henry's to register for photography course. I tried to do it online, but the gift card I'm using to register for it isn't working properly. The course is this Saturday, and I really want to be part of it. It's the first level for my particular camera. It will be some basics I've already figured out, but hopefully some new info as well.
6) Stop by Walmart and pick up some photos I had printed. I know they finished my 5X 7's, I hoping they finish the rest by tomorrow afternoon. I definitely want to have all of them by next Wednesday. I'm going to bring them all in to my class.
That should be enough for tomorrow. I'm having a friend over to watch a movie. I suppose I'm probably feeding her as well. I need to figure out what I'm feeding her at some point. I don't do well cooking when I'm alone, so today, I had an egg sandwich around noon, and cheese and crackers at 9:30 pm. I'll have to make a bit more effort for Wendy. :)
I also want to put some thought into the photography techniques certificate courses. Maybe I could start with taking one class in September? They have Basic Digital Photography, it meets Mon or Wed. I'm already taking an online course, but, it's just one night if I take one course. I'm also interested in the composition and design and the lighting.
But, I'll have to talk it over with Nick and see if that's an option. It may be too ambitious, going back to work, plus taking an online course, plus working out 4 days a week, plus a regular class.
Anyway...
I must get to sleep.
We need a cordless lawn mower.
However, that is way down on our list of priorities.
New car to replace our '94 Accord, new roof, school clothes, etc have to take priority when our current mower works fine. :)
I also did something else I've never done before, I replaced the shower head in Michaels shower.
He now has a cool hosed one that hopefully will help in the bathing process, make it easier for him to get his hair washed and make bathtime a quicker and less tear filled prospect.
Nick and Michael are still down at Nick's parents. I needed to come back for my course and an appt. tomorrow, so I took the train up from where they live last night.
I wasn't 'as productive' as I should have been. But, I got unpacked, the dishes are done. The lawn is mowed, the shower head is changed, I registered for my final class for my office admin diploma. I started on a rough draft of scheduling for when I go back to work.
I think I did enough today.
I need to head off to bed, so I alert for my course tomorrow.
I have a busy day ahead.
1) psychiatry appt at 8:30
2) my course until 2 pm
3) I'm desperate for a haircut. (maybe I'll post pictures :) )
4) Trip to Canadian tire to get a shower head for master Bath (also wrench and washing machine hoses)
5) Stop by Henry's to register for photography course. I tried to do it online, but the gift card I'm using to register for it isn't working properly. The course is this Saturday, and I really want to be part of it. It's the first level for my particular camera. It will be some basics I've already figured out, but hopefully some new info as well.
6) Stop by Walmart and pick up some photos I had printed. I know they finished my 5X 7's, I hoping they finish the rest by tomorrow afternoon. I definitely want to have all of them by next Wednesday. I'm going to bring them all in to my class.
That should be enough for tomorrow. I'm having a friend over to watch a movie. I suppose I'm probably feeding her as well. I need to figure out what I'm feeding her at some point. I don't do well cooking when I'm alone, so today, I had an egg sandwich around noon, and cheese and crackers at 9:30 pm. I'll have to make a bit more effort for Wendy. :)
I also want to put some thought into the photography techniques certificate courses. Maybe I could start with taking one class in September? They have Basic Digital Photography, it meets Mon or Wed. I'm already taking an online course, but, it's just one night if I take one course. I'm also interested in the composition and design and the lighting.
But, I'll have to talk it over with Nick and see if that's an option. It may be too ambitious, going back to work, plus taking an online course, plus working out 4 days a week, plus a regular class.
Anyway...
I must get to sleep.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Thirty Two...what should I do with my life?
Things this week were stressful as I face the reality of returning to work in September. I adore my company, they are really really great. However, my job, not so much.
I'm an Admin Assistant for a high tech rep company. Not exactly a dream job. So, once again, my husband and I had the stay at home mom discussion. Honestly, with the expennses we have coming up in the next 2-3 years (roof, new car, rising costs of everything) we just can't afford for me to completely stop working.
I was pretty mad about it for a couple of days until it *finally* dawned on me that I actually had options. Just because I'm an Admin Asst that doesn't mean I need to remain one for the rest of my life. Yes, apparently I'm slow. :)
So after discussing it with DH I've come up with a plan of sorts. 1) I wil do the last course for my office admin diploma so I will have completed some post secondary.
2) I believe, and have been told I have some natural talent for photography. Plus, I really enjoy it. I have thousands of pictures on my hard drive, I can take 200 on a 2 hour walk in the woods. So, I plan on taking a few photography courses at the local college to see if I can grasp the technical aspects of it. If I can, I will pursue that line of work because I can make my own hours, be there for Michael etc. But, I'm only going to take a few classes to see if I 'get' it because I don't want to waste too much time. If I can get it and make good pics I can slowly pursue a degree while still working. If I can't understand the technical aspects to the point I could make money with my work, the classes won't be wasted because I enjoy taking pictures so much. (plus is any knowledge wasted?)
http://www.picasaweb.google.com/LMarotta has some examples of my pics. The wedding ones have a LOT of bad shots...but there are a few really nice ones thrown in too.
3) If, after a few courses I decide that photography is too technical and I can't do it professionally, I will go back to school part time to get my degree. At this point the end goal will be a degree in English, or History and then Teachers College. If I can begin teaching within ten years, then I'll still have over 20 years teaching, a good length career, and a pension. In one way or another, I have wanted to be a teacher since I was Michael's age circumstances have always cahnged my plans, so this would be a good option as well.
so, we shall see, it's exciting. :)
I'm an Admin Assistant for a high tech rep company. Not exactly a dream job. So, once again, my husband and I had the stay at home mom discussion. Honestly, with the expennses we have coming up in the next 2-3 years (roof, new car, rising costs of everything) we just can't afford for me to completely stop working.
I was pretty mad about it for a couple of days until it *finally* dawned on me that I actually had options. Just because I'm an Admin Asst that doesn't mean I need to remain one for the rest of my life. Yes, apparently I'm slow. :)
So after discussing it with DH I've come up with a plan of sorts. 1) I wil do the last course for my office admin diploma so I will have completed some post secondary.
2) I believe, and have been told I have some natural talent for photography. Plus, I really enjoy it. I have thousands of pictures on my hard drive, I can take 200 on a 2 hour walk in the woods. So, I plan on taking a few photography courses at the local college to see if I can grasp the technical aspects of it. If I can, I will pursue that line of work because I can make my own hours, be there for Michael etc. But, I'm only going to take a few classes to see if I 'get' it because I don't want to waste too much time. If I can get it and make good pics I can slowly pursue a degree while still working. If I can't understand the technical aspects to the point I could make money with my work, the classes won't be wasted because I enjoy taking pictures so much. (plus is any knowledge wasted?)
http://www.picasaweb.google.com/LMarotta has some examples of my pics. The wedding ones have a LOT of bad shots...but there are a few really nice ones thrown in too.
3) If, after a few courses I decide that photography is too technical and I can't do it professionally, I will go back to school part time to get my degree. At this point the end goal will be a degree in English, or History and then Teachers College. If I can begin teaching within ten years, then I'll still have over 20 years teaching, a good length career, and a pension. In one way or another, I have wanted to be a teacher since I was Michael's age circumstances have always cahnged my plans, so this would be a good option as well.
so, we shall see, it's exciting. :)
6 Miles Today!
I did my first six miler today. *That's 9.6 kilometers* I was running on a track because I'm currently out of town. I did the whole thing in 1:37...I feel like I totally kicked butt!
Sunday I have a three mile run and Tuesday is five, I'm going to concentrate on running more and walking less this next week, but I feel like my training is comig along well.
I really enjoy the running. I need a couple of things, definitely I need some sort of hydration system, I've got an eight mile run next friday. I would like to get a heart rate monitor so I can stay in a good zone. I'm not sure I'm challenging myself enough.
A couple of things are happening that I never would have expected, the first being, I like running, I like the exercise. If you know me, I'm sure a gasp of surprise may have escaped your lips. :)
The second, I've read on running boards that as you run more your eating habits improve, so you can run better. Slowly but surely I'm eating better, not because I want to lose weight...I want to run as well as I can.
Trust me, I don't know wth is wrong with me ;)
Sunday I have a three mile run and Tuesday is five, I'm going to concentrate on running more and walking less this next week, but I feel like my training is comig along well.
I really enjoy the running. I need a couple of things, definitely I need some sort of hydration system, I've got an eight mile run next friday. I would like to get a heart rate monitor so I can stay in a good zone. I'm not sure I'm challenging myself enough.
A couple of things are happening that I never would have expected, the first being, I like running, I like the exercise. If you know me, I'm sure a gasp of surprise may have escaped your lips. :)
The second, I've read on running boards that as you run more your eating habits improve, so you can run better. Slowly but surely I'm eating better, not because I want to lose weight...I want to run as well as I can.
Trust me, I don't know wth is wrong with me ;)
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I'm having trouble with my homework...
I have to come up with 20 things that fulfill my power needs.
It's hard when I feel like I've given up all of my power.
It's hard when I feel like I've given up all of my power.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
It's been a heck of a week
I haven't posted anything in about a week, it's been crazy.
Well, I have.
After feeling myself getting higher than I should, I am back on a mood stabilizer.
Hopefully this one will have better side effects than the Lithium I was on.
I really don't like being Bipolar, I wish I was 'normal'.
If I want to have a successful marriage, and raise my son in a healthy manner, I have to keep tight control on my disease. I was tempted to ride the high for a while, because it was nice being in a good mood, a very good mood for once.
However, I didn't ride it, I saw my doctor ASAP.
I'm a little resentful however, I wish I weren't dealing with this.
So, instead of being resentful, I'll do a little gratitude journaling.
I am grateful for:
1) Salvation (God's grace is amazing)
2) Nick and Michael
3) God's provision (jobs, food, clothing, a warm comfortable home)
4) I have the opportunity to live in a free society
5) The continuing advancement in pharmaceuticals for mood disorders
6) The day program I'm in
7) My family
8) I am strong and healthy enough to run
9) A strong healthy marriage, six years and going strong
10) My church http://www.thecrossroadschurch.ca/ It's a great church that is not being swayed by some of things going on in churches today. It has good solid Bible teaching.
11) Books. :)
Well, I have.
After feeling myself getting higher than I should, I am back on a mood stabilizer.
Hopefully this one will have better side effects than the Lithium I was on.
I really don't like being Bipolar, I wish I was 'normal'.
If I want to have a successful marriage, and raise my son in a healthy manner, I have to keep tight control on my disease. I was tempted to ride the high for a while, because it was nice being in a good mood, a very good mood for once.
However, I didn't ride it, I saw my doctor ASAP.
I'm a little resentful however, I wish I weren't dealing with this.
So, instead of being resentful, I'll do a little gratitude journaling.
I am grateful for:
1) Salvation (God's grace is amazing)
2) Nick and Michael
3) God's provision (jobs, food, clothing, a warm comfortable home)
4) I have the opportunity to live in a free society
5) The continuing advancement in pharmaceuticals for mood disorders
6) The day program I'm in
7) My family
8) I am strong and healthy enough to run
9) A strong healthy marriage, six years and going strong
10) My church http://www.thecrossroadschurch.ca/ It's a great church that is not being swayed by some of things going on in churches today. It has good solid Bible teaching.
11) Books. :)
Friday, July 18, 2008
Running Report Week Five
This morning I completed my last run for week five.
It was a four mile run, and I plotted my route using trusty g-map pedometer.
I was quite intimidated by running four miles, I thought it was going to be a lot tougher than it actually was.
My time was slow, very slow. One hour, six minutes. But, I warmed up for five minutes, then alternated running and walking for the rest. I started strong, with five minutes running to one minute walking for a good portion of it.
I slowed down towards the end and was alternating minute run/minute walk.
Overall, it was a good run, I finished strong, and actually had fun doing it. I'm not kidding. I hate to exercise, really hate it. However, my run today was fun. I saw birds, and a bunny right off the trail. He was just sitting there watching me. He was the cutest little thing.
Tomorrow is a rest day but even though it's a rest day, I think I'll do a bike ride to help build my quads. Sunday begins week six, which looks like this:
Sunday- 3 miles
Tuesday- 4 miles
Wednesday- 3 miles
Friday- 5 miles
Yikes! I hope I can continue to avoid injury and continue having fun. I still have 9 weeks till the big race, and I'm looking at doing a 10k in August, and another 10k after the 1/2 marathon in October in Toronto.
Overall, I'm enjoying the running and I think I'm doing a good job. Now I just need to push myself so it's more running a bit less walking. But, as they say...slow and steady wins the race. :)
It was a four mile run, and I plotted my route using trusty g-map pedometer.
I was quite intimidated by running four miles, I thought it was going to be a lot tougher than it actually was.
My time was slow, very slow. One hour, six minutes. But, I warmed up for five minutes, then alternated running and walking for the rest. I started strong, with five minutes running to one minute walking for a good portion of it.
I slowed down towards the end and was alternating minute run/minute walk.
Overall, it was a good run, I finished strong, and actually had fun doing it. I'm not kidding. I hate to exercise, really hate it. However, my run today was fun. I saw birds, and a bunny right off the trail. He was just sitting there watching me. He was the cutest little thing.
Tomorrow is a rest day but even though it's a rest day, I think I'll do a bike ride to help build my quads. Sunday begins week six, which looks like this:
Sunday- 3 miles
Tuesday- 4 miles
Wednesday- 3 miles
Friday- 5 miles
Yikes! I hope I can continue to avoid injury and continue having fun. I still have 9 weeks till the big race, and I'm looking at doing a 10k in August, and another 10k after the 1/2 marathon in October in Toronto.
Overall, I'm enjoying the running and I think I'm doing a good job. Now I just need to push myself so it's more running a bit less walking. But, as they say...slow and steady wins the race. :)
Mama Mia!
If you want to have some serious fun, go see this movie!
I adored it. I want to go back and watch it again, and get the DVD as soon as possible. The music was great, the location was just amazing. Blue water, deep orange sunsets. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth...seriously, you can't go wrong with this movie.
It was light hearted, campy, and just a joy to watch. I came out of the theater tapping my feet and in a wonderful mood.
I know some of the critics don't like it, but I give it five stars. I wanted some fun today, and I got exactly what I wanted out of this flick.
It was one of the best musicals I've seen, ever.
I adored it. I want to go back and watch it again, and get the DVD as soon as possible. The music was great, the location was just amazing. Blue water, deep orange sunsets. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth...seriously, you can't go wrong with this movie.
It was light hearted, campy, and just a joy to watch. I came out of the theater tapping my feet and in a wonderful mood.
I know some of the critics don't like it, but I give it five stars. I wanted some fun today, and I got exactly what I wanted out of this flick.
It was one of the best musicals I've seen, ever.
I got a Roomba!
I love this little vacuuming robot. Press a button and away it goes. It did a great job picking up in my kitchen, living room and dining room. It's very cool to watch it do its thing. I can't recommend this enough.
I'm planning to use it every other day on the main floor of the house. I'm hoping that it will cut down on the amount of vacuuming I have to do in the rest of the house because we won't be tracking around as much from the entry and kitchen.
This thing rocks!
I'm planning to use it every other day on the main floor of the house. I'm hoping that it will cut down on the amount of vacuuming I have to do in the rest of the house because we won't be tracking around as much from the entry and kitchen.
This thing rocks!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
My Course
I'm currently off work for a few months.
I've been on since the end of April. I go back in September. (I don't want too though :) )
Anyway, I'm off work for medical leave related to my bipolar disorder.
I'm taking a course at the local hospital where I am learning, how to avoid relapse, how to manage stress, assertiveness, anger management, time management and the list goes on and on.
It's better than just 'group therapy' because there are facilitators from a multitude of disciplines, so they are teaching real life skills.
So far I'm enjoying the program very much, it's 18 weeks and I'm about halfway through. I hope I can continue to get value out of the program and to continue to slowly integrate the skills I'm learning into my life.
I've been on since the end of April. I go back in September. (I don't want too though :) )
Anyway, I'm off work for medical leave related to my bipolar disorder.
I'm taking a course at the local hospital where I am learning, how to avoid relapse, how to manage stress, assertiveness, anger management, time management and the list goes on and on.
It's better than just 'group therapy' because there are facilitators from a multitude of disciplines, so they are teaching real life skills.
So far I'm enjoying the program very much, it's 18 weeks and I'm about halfway through. I hope I can continue to get value out of the program and to continue to slowly integrate the skills I'm learning into my life.
New Running clothes!
I did a little bit of shopping after my course yesterday. (I'll tell you about my course in my next post)
Basically I had one outfit I could run in, a pair of black shorts I bought a couple of years ago, and the shirt I got from my first race.
I decided to get another 0utfit or two because throwing my running outfit into the wash is much better than rinsing it and drying it between runs and laundry days.
I found a couple of things at the Running Room and Zellers. I was worried because they didn't have my size. But, I discovered that a size smaller fits me great! I don't look like a stuffed sausage or anything! Maybe all of this running is making changes, I just haven't noticed them yet. :)
Rock on! I got a cute little running skirt, I hope to find more running skirts in the future, these are just too darn cute!
Basically I had one outfit I could run in, a pair of black shorts I bought a couple of years ago, and the shirt I got from my first race.
I decided to get another 0utfit or two because throwing my running outfit into the wash is much better than rinsing it and drying it between runs and laundry days.
I found a couple of things at the Running Room and Zellers. I was worried because they didn't have my size. But, I discovered that a size smaller fits me great! I don't look like a stuffed sausage or anything! Maybe all of this running is making changes, I just haven't noticed them yet. :)
Rock on! I got a cute little running skirt, I hope to find more running skirts in the future, these are just too darn cute!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
My run today was good
I completed my three miles in 48:30, so a a minute thirty shorter than last time. I know I did more walking, but I was pushing myself to run faster when I ran.
I need to alter my course, I have a big downhill on the three mile course I did the past two times. Also, I have to run on the shoulder, which is sloped. Now my left quad is hurting a bit when I walk, so I'm going to plot a new course where I don't have to run on the shoulder while my thigh heals.
I have found a very cool tool to plot my route. Gmap pedometer
Here is my 3 mile route right now.
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2082046
How totally awsome is this?? You just find your location and plot your points. It's awesome. And now I don't have to worry about driving my car to figure out where to run. I LOVE it.
I need to alter my course, I have a big downhill on the three mile course I did the past two times. Also, I have to run on the shoulder, which is sloped. Now my left quad is hurting a bit when I walk, so I'm going to plot a new course where I don't have to run on the shoulder while my thigh heals.
I have found a very cool tool to plot my route. Gmap pedometer
Here is my 3 mile route right now.
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2082046
How totally awsome is this?? You just find your location and plot your points. It's awesome. And now I don't have to worry about driving my car to figure out where to run. I LOVE it.
Ugh, UPS sucks.
My mom sent me a hand made quilt as a gift. I need to figure out how to attach pictures.
But, she sent me this gift, labelled it as a gift and UPS totally screwed me over for fees. First of all I had to pay GST and PST. Gifts over $60.00 you have to pay those minus the $60.00. Totally bogus since it's a gift, but I could live with that, it's the Canadian government, what can you do? Then, UPS charged me 61.55 in brokerage fees.
So, they charged my mom to ship it, then they charged me to process the paperwork. Sixty One dollars! I've done lots of shipping for my job and I've never heard of such high brokerage fees.
I'm not using UPS anymore at work if there is any way possible I can avoid.
They offered me a shipping credit for part of the fee. Yeah, like that helps. I didn't take it, I don't ship things, and I don't have an account with them. I want sixty one dollars back! Highway robbery.
But, she sent me this gift, labelled it as a gift and UPS totally screwed me over for fees. First of all I had to pay GST and PST. Gifts over $60.00 you have to pay those minus the $60.00. Totally bogus since it's a gift, but I could live with that, it's the Canadian government, what can you do? Then, UPS charged me 61.55 in brokerage fees.
So, they charged my mom to ship it, then they charged me to process the paperwork. Sixty One dollars! I've done lots of shipping for my job and I've never heard of such high brokerage fees.
I'm not using UPS anymore at work if there is any way possible I can avoid.
They offered me a shipping credit for part of the fee. Yeah, like that helps. I didn't take it, I don't ship things, and I don't have an account with them. I want sixty one dollars back! Highway robbery.
Books, books, books!
I like to listen to audio books when I'm running. Music just doesn't keep my mind occupied enough to forget that I'm running.
The first line of the book I'm listening too now used the line, torrential torrents. It only goes downhill from there. The characters have zero depth, the writing is awful, the story is disjointed, and yet I haven't deleted it from my MP3 player and put on another.
What is wrong with me? I'm not enjoying this, and yet I feel the need to finish listening to this awful book. The sad part is, I've read a few other recent books by this author, and didn't enjoy those either. The stories were too easily wrapped up, ridiculous plot lines, less than stellar writing. I think I understand why the library has so many different books by this author, they are so bad people just donate them to the library rather than listen to them ever again.
Now, it's time for my run. Do I have the strength to say no to bad writing? Or will I just finish it off so I don't leave the story hanging in my mind? Decisions, decisions.
:)
I just re-read what I wrote and it's really harsh. I'm not a book snob by any stretch of the imagination. However, as I get older I'm beginning to pay more attention to what I'm reading rather than just reading it. I am a very fast reader, and it's easy to miss some of these things when I'm absolutely flying through books. Once I started listening to audio books, I realized how much of the language I was missing out on trying to get through the story as fast as I could.
If I'm looking for something I can read at my normal pace, I can choose the same authors I've been choosing all my life. However, I'm discovering that for my audio books I need to be more discerning because otherwise I get aggravated.
I think I will delete this one and put something else on my mp3 player.
The first line of the book I'm listening too now used the line, torrential torrents. It only goes downhill from there. The characters have zero depth, the writing is awful, the story is disjointed, and yet I haven't deleted it from my MP3 player and put on another.
What is wrong with me? I'm not enjoying this, and yet I feel the need to finish listening to this awful book. The sad part is, I've read a few other recent books by this author, and didn't enjoy those either. The stories were too easily wrapped up, ridiculous plot lines, less than stellar writing. I think I understand why the library has so many different books by this author, they are so bad people just donate them to the library rather than listen to them ever again.
Now, it's time for my run. Do I have the strength to say no to bad writing? Or will I just finish it off so I don't leave the story hanging in my mind? Decisions, decisions.
:)
I just re-read what I wrote and it's really harsh. I'm not a book snob by any stretch of the imagination. However, as I get older I'm beginning to pay more attention to what I'm reading rather than just reading it. I am a very fast reader, and it's easy to miss some of these things when I'm absolutely flying through books. Once I started listening to audio books, I realized how much of the language I was missing out on trying to get through the story as fast as I could.
If I'm looking for something I can read at my normal pace, I can choose the same authors I've been choosing all my life. However, I'm discovering that for my audio books I need to be more discerning because otherwise I get aggravated.
I think I will delete this one and put something else on my mp3 player.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Half Marathon
I'm training to run a half marathon on Sep. 21st.
It's the first ever Canada Army Run. The proceeds go to support the Military Families Fund and CF Soldier On.
I walked a half 2 years ago, and I'm excited to do ths one with some actual running. I've been training for four full weeks now. Today was my first 3 mile run. It took me 50 mins total. I've gone from being able to jog for 1 min at a time to ten mins straight. Today I took it slow and my longest stretch was only 7 minutes. However, I finished strong and was able to keep up my running on and off for the whole run.
I have 70 days till the race and my first goal is to finish. My second goal is to finish in under 3:30. When I walked it, I finished in 4:09. That is my current goal, and I will re-evaluate and update as I get closer to race day.
For now, I'm pretty excited.
It's the first ever Canada Army Run. The proceeds go to support the Military Families Fund and CF Soldier On.
I walked a half 2 years ago, and I'm excited to do ths one with some actual running. I've been training for four full weeks now. Today was my first 3 mile run. It took me 50 mins total. I've gone from being able to jog for 1 min at a time to ten mins straight. Today I took it slow and my longest stretch was only 7 minutes. However, I finished strong and was able to keep up my running on and off for the whole run.
I have 70 days till the race and my first goal is to finish. My second goal is to finish in under 3:30. When I walked it, I finished in 4:09. That is my current goal, and I will re-evaluate and update as I get closer to race day.
For now, I'm pretty excited.
Introduction
My name is Lisa.
This blog will probably only be read by me. Why is this a diary of a mad fat woman? Well, I don't mean mad in the angry sense. I mean mad, in the crazy sense. I have bipolar disorder, and truth be told, sometimes I feel quite 'mad'.
And, yes, I'm fat.
Hopefully, I will be able to change the name of the blog. I've been working on losing weight. However, what's new? I've been working on losing weight what seems like my whole life.
So, there you have it, my diary of a mad fat woman.
This blog will probably only be read by me. Why is this a diary of a mad fat woman? Well, I don't mean mad in the angry sense. I mean mad, in the crazy sense. I have bipolar disorder, and truth be told, sometimes I feel quite 'mad'.
And, yes, I'm fat.
Hopefully, I will be able to change the name of the blog. I've been working on losing weight. However, what's new? I've been working on losing weight what seems like my whole life.
So, there you have it, my diary of a mad fat woman.
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