I have to come up with 20 things that fulfill my power needs.
It's hard when I feel like I've given up all of my power.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
It's been a heck of a week
I haven't posted anything in about a week, it's been crazy.
Well, I have.
After feeling myself getting higher than I should, I am back on a mood stabilizer.
Hopefully this one will have better side effects than the Lithium I was on.
I really don't like being Bipolar, I wish I was 'normal'.
If I want to have a successful marriage, and raise my son in a healthy manner, I have to keep tight control on my disease. I was tempted to ride the high for a while, because it was nice being in a good mood, a very good mood for once.
However, I didn't ride it, I saw my doctor ASAP.
I'm a little resentful however, I wish I weren't dealing with this.
So, instead of being resentful, I'll do a little gratitude journaling.
I am grateful for:
1) Salvation (God's grace is amazing)
2) Nick and Michael
3) God's provision (jobs, food, clothing, a warm comfortable home)
4) I have the opportunity to live in a free society
5) The continuing advancement in pharmaceuticals for mood disorders
6) The day program I'm in
7) My family
8) I am strong and healthy enough to run
9) A strong healthy marriage, six years and going strong
10) My church http://www.thecrossroadschurch.ca/ It's a great church that is not being swayed by some of things going on in churches today. It has good solid Bible teaching.
11) Books. :)
Well, I have.
After feeling myself getting higher than I should, I am back on a mood stabilizer.
Hopefully this one will have better side effects than the Lithium I was on.
I really don't like being Bipolar, I wish I was 'normal'.
If I want to have a successful marriage, and raise my son in a healthy manner, I have to keep tight control on my disease. I was tempted to ride the high for a while, because it was nice being in a good mood, a very good mood for once.
However, I didn't ride it, I saw my doctor ASAP.
I'm a little resentful however, I wish I weren't dealing with this.
So, instead of being resentful, I'll do a little gratitude journaling.
I am grateful for:
1) Salvation (God's grace is amazing)
2) Nick and Michael
3) God's provision (jobs, food, clothing, a warm comfortable home)
4) I have the opportunity to live in a free society
5) The continuing advancement in pharmaceuticals for mood disorders
6) The day program I'm in
7) My family
8) I am strong and healthy enough to run
9) A strong healthy marriage, six years and going strong
10) My church http://www.thecrossroadschurch.ca/ It's a great church that is not being swayed by some of things going on in churches today. It has good solid Bible teaching.
11) Books. :)
Friday, July 18, 2008
Running Report Week Five
This morning I completed my last run for week five.
It was a four mile run, and I plotted my route using trusty g-map pedometer.
I was quite intimidated by running four miles, I thought it was going to be a lot tougher than it actually was.
My time was slow, very slow. One hour, six minutes. But, I warmed up for five minutes, then alternated running and walking for the rest. I started strong, with five minutes running to one minute walking for a good portion of it.
I slowed down towards the end and was alternating minute run/minute walk.
Overall, it was a good run, I finished strong, and actually had fun doing it. I'm not kidding. I hate to exercise, really hate it. However, my run today was fun. I saw birds, and a bunny right off the trail. He was just sitting there watching me. He was the cutest little thing.
Tomorrow is a rest day but even though it's a rest day, I think I'll do a bike ride to help build my quads. Sunday begins week six, which looks like this:
Sunday- 3 miles
Tuesday- 4 miles
Wednesday- 3 miles
Friday- 5 miles
Yikes! I hope I can continue to avoid injury and continue having fun. I still have 9 weeks till the big race, and I'm looking at doing a 10k in August, and another 10k after the 1/2 marathon in October in Toronto.
Overall, I'm enjoying the running and I think I'm doing a good job. Now I just need to push myself so it's more running a bit less walking. But, as they say...slow and steady wins the race. :)
It was a four mile run, and I plotted my route using trusty g-map pedometer.
I was quite intimidated by running four miles, I thought it was going to be a lot tougher than it actually was.
My time was slow, very slow. One hour, six minutes. But, I warmed up for five minutes, then alternated running and walking for the rest. I started strong, with five minutes running to one minute walking for a good portion of it.
I slowed down towards the end and was alternating minute run/minute walk.
Overall, it was a good run, I finished strong, and actually had fun doing it. I'm not kidding. I hate to exercise, really hate it. However, my run today was fun. I saw birds, and a bunny right off the trail. He was just sitting there watching me. He was the cutest little thing.
Tomorrow is a rest day but even though it's a rest day, I think I'll do a bike ride to help build my quads. Sunday begins week six, which looks like this:
Sunday- 3 miles
Tuesday- 4 miles
Wednesday- 3 miles
Friday- 5 miles
Yikes! I hope I can continue to avoid injury and continue having fun. I still have 9 weeks till the big race, and I'm looking at doing a 10k in August, and another 10k after the 1/2 marathon in October in Toronto.
Overall, I'm enjoying the running and I think I'm doing a good job. Now I just need to push myself so it's more running a bit less walking. But, as they say...slow and steady wins the race. :)
Mama Mia!
If you want to have some serious fun, go see this movie!
I adored it. I want to go back and watch it again, and get the DVD as soon as possible. The music was great, the location was just amazing. Blue water, deep orange sunsets. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth...seriously, you can't go wrong with this movie.
It was light hearted, campy, and just a joy to watch. I came out of the theater tapping my feet and in a wonderful mood.
I know some of the critics don't like it, but I give it five stars. I wanted some fun today, and I got exactly what I wanted out of this flick.
It was one of the best musicals I've seen, ever.
I adored it. I want to go back and watch it again, and get the DVD as soon as possible. The music was great, the location was just amazing. Blue water, deep orange sunsets. Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth...seriously, you can't go wrong with this movie.
It was light hearted, campy, and just a joy to watch. I came out of the theater tapping my feet and in a wonderful mood.
I know some of the critics don't like it, but I give it five stars. I wanted some fun today, and I got exactly what I wanted out of this flick.
It was one of the best musicals I've seen, ever.
I got a Roomba!
I love this little vacuuming robot. Press a button and away it goes. It did a great job picking up in my kitchen, living room and dining room. It's very cool to watch it do its thing. I can't recommend this enough.
I'm planning to use it every other day on the main floor of the house. I'm hoping that it will cut down on the amount of vacuuming I have to do in the rest of the house because we won't be tracking around as much from the entry and kitchen.
This thing rocks!
I'm planning to use it every other day on the main floor of the house. I'm hoping that it will cut down on the amount of vacuuming I have to do in the rest of the house because we won't be tracking around as much from the entry and kitchen.
This thing rocks!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
My Course
I'm currently off work for a few months.
I've been on since the end of April. I go back in September. (I don't want too though :) )
Anyway, I'm off work for medical leave related to my bipolar disorder.
I'm taking a course at the local hospital where I am learning, how to avoid relapse, how to manage stress, assertiveness, anger management, time management and the list goes on and on.
It's better than just 'group therapy' because there are facilitators from a multitude of disciplines, so they are teaching real life skills.
So far I'm enjoying the program very much, it's 18 weeks and I'm about halfway through. I hope I can continue to get value out of the program and to continue to slowly integrate the skills I'm learning into my life.
I've been on since the end of April. I go back in September. (I don't want too though :) )
Anyway, I'm off work for medical leave related to my bipolar disorder.
I'm taking a course at the local hospital where I am learning, how to avoid relapse, how to manage stress, assertiveness, anger management, time management and the list goes on and on.
It's better than just 'group therapy' because there are facilitators from a multitude of disciplines, so they are teaching real life skills.
So far I'm enjoying the program very much, it's 18 weeks and I'm about halfway through. I hope I can continue to get value out of the program and to continue to slowly integrate the skills I'm learning into my life.
New Running clothes!
I did a little bit of shopping after my course yesterday. (I'll tell you about my course in my next post)
Basically I had one outfit I could run in, a pair of black shorts I bought a couple of years ago, and the shirt I got from my first race.
I decided to get another 0utfit or two because throwing my running outfit into the wash is much better than rinsing it and drying it between runs and laundry days.
I found a couple of things at the Running Room and Zellers. I was worried because they didn't have my size. But, I discovered that a size smaller fits me great! I don't look like a stuffed sausage or anything! Maybe all of this running is making changes, I just haven't noticed them yet. :)
Rock on! I got a cute little running skirt, I hope to find more running skirts in the future, these are just too darn cute!
Basically I had one outfit I could run in, a pair of black shorts I bought a couple of years ago, and the shirt I got from my first race.
I decided to get another 0utfit or two because throwing my running outfit into the wash is much better than rinsing it and drying it between runs and laundry days.
I found a couple of things at the Running Room and Zellers. I was worried because they didn't have my size. But, I discovered that a size smaller fits me great! I don't look like a stuffed sausage or anything! Maybe all of this running is making changes, I just haven't noticed them yet. :)
Rock on! I got a cute little running skirt, I hope to find more running skirts in the future, these are just too darn cute!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
My run today was good
I completed my three miles in 48:30, so a a minute thirty shorter than last time. I know I did more walking, but I was pushing myself to run faster when I ran.
I need to alter my course, I have a big downhill on the three mile course I did the past two times. Also, I have to run on the shoulder, which is sloped. Now my left quad is hurting a bit when I walk, so I'm going to plot a new course where I don't have to run on the shoulder while my thigh heals.
I have found a very cool tool to plot my route. Gmap pedometer
Here is my 3 mile route right now.
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2082046
How totally awsome is this?? You just find your location and plot your points. It's awesome. And now I don't have to worry about driving my car to figure out where to run. I LOVE it.
I need to alter my course, I have a big downhill on the three mile course I did the past two times. Also, I have to run on the shoulder, which is sloped. Now my left quad is hurting a bit when I walk, so I'm going to plot a new course where I don't have to run on the shoulder while my thigh heals.
I have found a very cool tool to plot my route. Gmap pedometer
Here is my 3 mile route right now.
http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2082046
How totally awsome is this?? You just find your location and plot your points. It's awesome. And now I don't have to worry about driving my car to figure out where to run. I LOVE it.
Ugh, UPS sucks.
My mom sent me a hand made quilt as a gift. I need to figure out how to attach pictures.
But, she sent me this gift, labelled it as a gift and UPS totally screwed me over for fees. First of all I had to pay GST and PST. Gifts over $60.00 you have to pay those minus the $60.00. Totally bogus since it's a gift, but I could live with that, it's the Canadian government, what can you do? Then, UPS charged me 61.55 in brokerage fees.
So, they charged my mom to ship it, then they charged me to process the paperwork. Sixty One dollars! I've done lots of shipping for my job and I've never heard of such high brokerage fees.
I'm not using UPS anymore at work if there is any way possible I can avoid.
They offered me a shipping credit for part of the fee. Yeah, like that helps. I didn't take it, I don't ship things, and I don't have an account with them. I want sixty one dollars back! Highway robbery.
But, she sent me this gift, labelled it as a gift and UPS totally screwed me over for fees. First of all I had to pay GST and PST. Gifts over $60.00 you have to pay those minus the $60.00. Totally bogus since it's a gift, but I could live with that, it's the Canadian government, what can you do? Then, UPS charged me 61.55 in brokerage fees.
So, they charged my mom to ship it, then they charged me to process the paperwork. Sixty One dollars! I've done lots of shipping for my job and I've never heard of such high brokerage fees.
I'm not using UPS anymore at work if there is any way possible I can avoid.
They offered me a shipping credit for part of the fee. Yeah, like that helps. I didn't take it, I don't ship things, and I don't have an account with them. I want sixty one dollars back! Highway robbery.
Books, books, books!
I like to listen to audio books when I'm running. Music just doesn't keep my mind occupied enough to forget that I'm running.
The first line of the book I'm listening too now used the line, torrential torrents. It only goes downhill from there. The characters have zero depth, the writing is awful, the story is disjointed, and yet I haven't deleted it from my MP3 player and put on another.
What is wrong with me? I'm not enjoying this, and yet I feel the need to finish listening to this awful book. The sad part is, I've read a few other recent books by this author, and didn't enjoy those either. The stories were too easily wrapped up, ridiculous plot lines, less than stellar writing. I think I understand why the library has so many different books by this author, they are so bad people just donate them to the library rather than listen to them ever again.
Now, it's time for my run. Do I have the strength to say no to bad writing? Or will I just finish it off so I don't leave the story hanging in my mind? Decisions, decisions.
:)
I just re-read what I wrote and it's really harsh. I'm not a book snob by any stretch of the imagination. However, as I get older I'm beginning to pay more attention to what I'm reading rather than just reading it. I am a very fast reader, and it's easy to miss some of these things when I'm absolutely flying through books. Once I started listening to audio books, I realized how much of the language I was missing out on trying to get through the story as fast as I could.
If I'm looking for something I can read at my normal pace, I can choose the same authors I've been choosing all my life. However, I'm discovering that for my audio books I need to be more discerning because otherwise I get aggravated.
I think I will delete this one and put something else on my mp3 player.
The first line of the book I'm listening too now used the line, torrential torrents. It only goes downhill from there. The characters have zero depth, the writing is awful, the story is disjointed, and yet I haven't deleted it from my MP3 player and put on another.
What is wrong with me? I'm not enjoying this, and yet I feel the need to finish listening to this awful book. The sad part is, I've read a few other recent books by this author, and didn't enjoy those either. The stories were too easily wrapped up, ridiculous plot lines, less than stellar writing. I think I understand why the library has so many different books by this author, they are so bad people just donate them to the library rather than listen to them ever again.
Now, it's time for my run. Do I have the strength to say no to bad writing? Or will I just finish it off so I don't leave the story hanging in my mind? Decisions, decisions.
:)
I just re-read what I wrote and it's really harsh. I'm not a book snob by any stretch of the imagination. However, as I get older I'm beginning to pay more attention to what I'm reading rather than just reading it. I am a very fast reader, and it's easy to miss some of these things when I'm absolutely flying through books. Once I started listening to audio books, I realized how much of the language I was missing out on trying to get through the story as fast as I could.
If I'm looking for something I can read at my normal pace, I can choose the same authors I've been choosing all my life. However, I'm discovering that for my audio books I need to be more discerning because otherwise I get aggravated.
I think I will delete this one and put something else on my mp3 player.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Half Marathon
I'm training to run a half marathon on Sep. 21st.
It's the first ever Canada Army Run. The proceeds go to support the Military Families Fund and CF Soldier On.
I walked a half 2 years ago, and I'm excited to do ths one with some actual running. I've been training for four full weeks now. Today was my first 3 mile run. It took me 50 mins total. I've gone from being able to jog for 1 min at a time to ten mins straight. Today I took it slow and my longest stretch was only 7 minutes. However, I finished strong and was able to keep up my running on and off for the whole run.
I have 70 days till the race and my first goal is to finish. My second goal is to finish in under 3:30. When I walked it, I finished in 4:09. That is my current goal, and I will re-evaluate and update as I get closer to race day.
For now, I'm pretty excited.
It's the first ever Canada Army Run. The proceeds go to support the Military Families Fund and CF Soldier On.
I walked a half 2 years ago, and I'm excited to do ths one with some actual running. I've been training for four full weeks now. Today was my first 3 mile run. It took me 50 mins total. I've gone from being able to jog for 1 min at a time to ten mins straight. Today I took it slow and my longest stretch was only 7 minutes. However, I finished strong and was able to keep up my running on and off for the whole run.
I have 70 days till the race and my first goal is to finish. My second goal is to finish in under 3:30. When I walked it, I finished in 4:09. That is my current goal, and I will re-evaluate and update as I get closer to race day.
For now, I'm pretty excited.
Introduction
My name is Lisa.
This blog will probably only be read by me. Why is this a diary of a mad fat woman? Well, I don't mean mad in the angry sense. I mean mad, in the crazy sense. I have bipolar disorder, and truth be told, sometimes I feel quite 'mad'.
And, yes, I'm fat.
Hopefully, I will be able to change the name of the blog. I've been working on losing weight. However, what's new? I've been working on losing weight what seems like my whole life.
So, there you have it, my diary of a mad fat woman.
This blog will probably only be read by me. Why is this a diary of a mad fat woman? Well, I don't mean mad in the angry sense. I mean mad, in the crazy sense. I have bipolar disorder, and truth be told, sometimes I feel quite 'mad'.
And, yes, I'm fat.
Hopefully, I will be able to change the name of the blog. I've been working on losing weight. However, what's new? I've been working on losing weight what seems like my whole life.
So, there you have it, my diary of a mad fat woman.
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