Anxiety Attacks

I've been having anxiety attacks.

yay.

I went to the doctor because I didn't know I was having anxiety, because when the attacks were happening, I didn't feel anxious about anything, my brain seemed just fine.

Only... I was/am having heart palpitations, my extremities would go numb, my face would go numb, butterflies in my stomach, cold spots on my legs etc etc etc.

Doc says anxiety.

I can think of two distinct periods of time when they have been the worst over the past several months, both times coincided with when I started getting serious about my eating habits.

This is not good.

I need to spend some serious time thinking about what this means, and how to get over this. I need to lose weight, but, for some reason I obviously don't want too.

I hate my brain, seriously, this is messed up.

I need to go lay on a couch and tell someone about my mother, eh? ;)

Underhill

I was at work today sorting mail and a letter caught my eye.

The street name it came from was Underhill in Burnaby BC.

It made me smile. :) It brought me back.
In my teens and early 20's I played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, and one memorable game my group had to name a city we had just conquered. We spent hours thinking of a name, we finally settled on Underhill. It happened to be the first name we thought of. Then, the very frustrated DM told us players we should have asked the citizens of the city what they called the city...Underhill. Good, giddy, tired times. When I remember things like this I wonder if the people who are part of my memories ever look back with fondness. I know I do.

But then, there is other stuff...people have been posting a lot of old pics on facebook...it's amazing how painful a simple picture can be if you are unprepared for it.

I think too much of my life happened in High School and early 20's. I try to keep the door to the past fully shut *esp after this summer*, but if something slips through a crack, I may poke around a bit for a couple of days before firmly shutting the door again.

Today Underhill slipped under the door, and I was vulnerable to the other stuff.

I'm glad things are calm and stable now. I'm very grateful that I am with someone who loves me, really loves me. God has truly blessed me in spite of my previous missteps and bad choices.

Had a good time today...

First we spent ALL day (okay 6 1/2 hours) building his marble run. A cool thing you build, the marbles go down a track. It was frustrating, but, I did manage to put the whole thing together eventually. LOL

Then during dinner Mike asked if he could have a blog. We saw no reason why not, as we would be typing it, and monitoring his email. So I got him an email address and set up a blog for him. He dictated his first post, so cute. :) I think he was really surprised we said yes.

Nick pulled out one of his teeth today, it was sooo loose, it had to go. It didn't even bleed or hurt. He currently has two adult teeth, and three holes in his mouth, it's cute.

Such small things, but the smile on his face...

I can't believe how fast he's growing up.

Sigh...I do love being his mom :)

A little sad, sigh

I realized this morning that if I hadn't lost that baby this summer I'd be really far along in my pregnancy.

So, I looked it up. 27 weeks. Third trimester. Michael would know if he was getting a brother or a sister, we'd definitely making plans where he or she was going to fit in our house. Our whole lives would be getting ready to change.

Who knows how differently this year would have turned out.

Well, God knows.