Today I'm i a bad way...

and, I don't even know why.

I got serious with my weight loss last week and lost three lbs . Whoohoo, so thats good.

I have a new beautiful niece, Kylie she was born Nov 5th. I should hopefully see her and my brother and his wife by the end of the month.

Michael is doing really well in school. He's one of the best readers in his class, he made A's in math and science (and B's or B+'s in everything else) He's making friends and gets along well with others, he's good at sports and he's artistic (sp. music)...he is doing very well.

I just had a great visit with my sister. Really great, I love getting to know my siblings as adults and shedding the notions of who they once were and seeing how they have changed. I find the older i get I have more in common with some, less with others, and yet we all share a common bond.

And yet...I plagued by anxiety today. I have much to be grateful for, but I have an overwhelming feeling of dread in my heart, and nervous energy coursing through my body. And...I feel like I'm going to burst out crying at any moment.

I had multiple anxiety attacks last night that kept waking me up...so it looks like I have to go back on the sleeping medication for at least a while.

So, what am I anxious about?

1) I don't know. I can't point to any one thing and say this set me off.

2) Money, of course. I know that God will provide, I believe this with every fiber of my being, and I have seen His hand in my life more times than I can count, and yet, I feel a huge burden right now. I know what is happening right now is absolutely what needs to be happening, but, I wasn't built for this.

3) Weather...I'm scared of going crazy again this winter. I'm trying to have a positive outlook, and get outside when it s sunny. I've also started vitamin d supplements, but , when it is sunny, it's also at least -14, which is fricken cold. I'm at work during most of the daylight, so I don't have many opportunities to get outside. Mostly, I'm deeply afraid one of these winters I'm going to lose it for good, even though I have all the skills now and I'm trying to use them.

4) Support Network...All I have time for these days is running the house, so my support has fallen by the wayside. The people I had been depending on for support when I finished my program all needed my support as soon as my program ended, so I was immediately cast into the caretaker role. I don't mind that role, not in the least, but, I feel like I hadn't even fully recovered, and then I had to take on 10 times more responsibility than normal.

5) My job is stressful right now. Taking a day off because I can't function properly is just adding to the job stress, but what can i do?

Overall I'm overwrought, overset, and probably need to call my doctor for a refill of clonazapam, as I don't see anything changing in the near future.