Some of my favourite songs

I just discovered two of my favourite songs were written by the same person.

"In Christ Alone" and "How Deep the Father's Love for Us"

They are both powerful songs that move me every time I hear them. They both contain so much truth, it's amazing. Not since I was first introduced to the likes of Michael Card and Don Francisco have I heard the Truth written so beautifully.
They are hymns, which isn't normally my style, but the words, they just can't be denied. I actually thought How Deep the Father's Love was on old hymn...I'm sure I'm not the only one!

“In Christ Alone”
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand

That last verse gets me every time. I'm a blubbering fool every time I sing it.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

Written by Stuart Townend


"How Deep the Father's Love For Us"

How deep the Father's love for us,
how vast beyond all measure
That he should give his only son,
to make a wretch his treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
the Father turned his face away
As wounds which mar the chosen one,
bring many sons to glory


Behold the man upon a cross,
my sin upon his shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held him there
until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life;
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything:
no gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ;
his death and resurrection

Why should I gain from his reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart:
his wounds have paid my ransom

© 1995 Kingsway's Thankyou Music
Album: I Could Sing of Your Love Forever



Great songs, if you haven't heard them, I'm sure you can find videos of them on youtube.

Anxiety Attacks

I've been having anxiety attacks.

yay.

I went to the doctor because I didn't know I was having anxiety, because when the attacks were happening, I didn't feel anxious about anything, my brain seemed just fine.

Only... I was/am having heart palpitations, my extremities would go numb, my face would go numb, butterflies in my stomach, cold spots on my legs etc etc etc.

Doc says anxiety.

I can think of two distinct periods of time when they have been the worst over the past several months, both times coincided with when I started getting serious about my eating habits.

This is not good.

I need to spend some serious time thinking about what this means, and how to get over this. I need to lose weight, but, for some reason I obviously don't want too.

I hate my brain, seriously, this is messed up.

I need to go lay on a couch and tell someone about my mother, eh? ;)

Underhill

I was at work today sorting mail and a letter caught my eye.

The street name it came from was Underhill in Burnaby BC.

It made me smile. :) It brought me back.
In my teens and early 20's I played a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, and one memorable game my group had to name a city we had just conquered. We spent hours thinking of a name, we finally settled on Underhill. It happened to be the first name we thought of. Then, the very frustrated DM told us players we should have asked the citizens of the city what they called the city...Underhill. Good, giddy, tired times. When I remember things like this I wonder if the people who are part of my memories ever look back with fondness. I know I do.

But then, there is other stuff...people have been posting a lot of old pics on facebook...it's amazing how painful a simple picture can be if you are unprepared for it.

I think too much of my life happened in High School and early 20's. I try to keep the door to the past fully shut *esp after this summer*, but if something slips through a crack, I may poke around a bit for a couple of days before firmly shutting the door again.

Today Underhill slipped under the door, and I was vulnerable to the other stuff.

I'm glad things are calm and stable now. I'm very grateful that I am with someone who loves me, really loves me. God has truly blessed me in spite of my previous missteps and bad choices.

Had a good time today...

First we spent ALL day (okay 6 1/2 hours) building his marble run. A cool thing you build, the marbles go down a track. It was frustrating, but, I did manage to put the whole thing together eventually. LOL

Then during dinner Mike asked if he could have a blog. We saw no reason why not, as we would be typing it, and monitoring his email. So I got him an email address and set up a blog for him. He dictated his first post, so cute. :) I think he was really surprised we said yes.

Nick pulled out one of his teeth today, it was sooo loose, it had to go. It didn't even bleed or hurt. He currently has two adult teeth, and three holes in his mouth, it's cute.

Such small things, but the smile on his face...

I can't believe how fast he's growing up.

Sigh...I do love being his mom :)

A little sad, sigh

I realized this morning that if I hadn't lost that baby this summer I'd be really far along in my pregnancy.

So, I looked it up. 27 weeks. Third trimester. Michael would know if he was getting a brother or a sister, we'd definitely making plans where he or she was going to fit in our house. Our whole lives would be getting ready to change.

Who knows how differently this year would have turned out.

Well, God knows.

Cool experience driving home today

I was driving home from work with a lot on my mind.

The transit strike is over it looks like, so I was thinking about that. And, how I'm hoping the city didn't end up costing the average joe like me more in taxes. Along with the budget deficit, I'm wondering where the federal government is going to GET that 64 billion dollars...

I was listing in my head all the things that are proof that we are right at the limit right now.

We don't live above our means
2 cars, one is a 1994 and needs to be replaced, badly. 1 is a 2001...and is a Ford ;)
We live in a semi, we didn't buy more than we could afford.
We don't buy clothes often, I badly need some new clothes.

Our taxes have gone up steadily for years. the pay raises we have had can in no way match the increase in taxes and costs, since I've moved up here our cost of living has risen steadily, so our quality of life has gone down.

I'm counting our pennies when I go the grocery store. We don't eat out, except occasionally when we will get McDonalds after church. We don't have extras for movies or vacations. But we do our best to save in our RRSP's...which has gone down by half this past year.

Currently, I'm looking for a second job while hubby is off on a medical leave. We aren't sure when he can go back to work right now.

My pay has actually gone DOWN this year.

School expenses have gone up, etc etc etc.

So I was listing all of this in my head, and getting agitated, more and more worried.

All of a sudden, I kid you not, my car filled with the scent of jasmine. I have no air fresheners in my car.

I live in Canada, and there is at least 2 feet of snow on the ground. There are no flowers blooming at all here, everything is in hibernation. When the car filled with the scent, a peace came over me. There is no where that scent could have come from, and my car def doesn't smell like jasmine on a regular basis...it usually smells a little like gasoline...from the small gas leak. sigh. :)

I really think God sent me that reminder to get my attention. I need to remember that He knows all of this going on. He is the one who provides, He will be faithful until the end. My job is to serve Him, glorify Him and cast all my cares upon Him.

Even so...Come Quickly Lord Jesus! :)

Happy New Year!

I watched the ball drop abot 20 mins ago and now I'm examining 2008.

On first look, it pretty well sucked

The beginning of the year started out well, I was with my parents and had a nice visit there.

Then I settled in for the worst winter since I moved here. In march, Michael and I got to go to my brothers wedding in CA while Nick dealt with with a 50 cm snowfall.

Within a few weeks of me getting back I crashed and burned and was in the hospital for depression.

I was off work for a few months while I did 'the program'. Towards the end, I had a huge stressful situation to deal with workwise, the same week I found out that I was pregnant again.

The work situation worked out, but I lost the baby before the week was out. I've done research and my PCOS can cause recurrent miscarriage.

Once I graduated I was back to work full time. Nick on the other hand had some of his own challenges to deal with.
Throughout the fall I tried not to focus on the economy and uncertainty, and focus on the positive things going on.

As the year comes to a close I find myself struggling.

But, I should quantify the things that went right this year.

1) I'm still here
2) I finally finished my college diploma
3) Michael is doing well in school
4) We are all basically healthy
5) I have a new niece :)

That's all i can come up with right now...

Things I want to do before I die...

I really would like to do some things, some life changing, some more fanciful...but, these wants desires etc.

1) I would like (badly) to have more children. I know I have issues, but I'm willing to put the work in to lose the weight so I can get my tubal reversed. I've also been taking supplements to try and control my PCOS symptoms. I don't know what is going to happen, but If I am as healthy a possible, if the other impediments ever lift, I want to be ready. Do I think the other impediments are going to lift? I don't know, I've been praying for years, and so far God is either saying No or a very insistent wait.

2) I would like to be a Stay at home mom. nuff said :)

3) I want to see Castles.

4) I'd love to see Israel

5) I want a PT cruiser :)

6) I'd love to have time to volunteer at Michaels school.

7) I'd love to make christmas cookies with my sisters.

8) I want to travel Scotland, and England

9) I'd love to get one of those all day spa packages with massages, body wraps, facials etc.

10) I've always dramed of running a marathon

11) I would like to go to university...but not unless I figure out what I actually want to do, and if it is realistic with my limitations.

12) Camping in Yellowstone

13) historical tour of US to show Michael.

I wrote a poem...

It's not a very good poem of course...but it's mine :)

Then a scary thing happened, I was talking about it at dinner. (as part of my search for a poem for a christmas project I'm doing)

So, i said" I even wrote a poem trying to say the right thing, but it didn't say what I needed it to say.

Then Michael asked if he could hear it. and Nick asked as well

I immediately got butterflies i my stomach, but, how could I refuse my six year old?

Also, I've recently had input from two separate people, without me asking that I've always kept my feelings inside, never shared the real me. I found that quite stunning that both people (my sisters) knew that all these years. I thought I was hiding so well.

So, long story short, I shared a piece of myself tonight with Michael and Nick. Nick said it was good. It doesn't matter if it was or wasn't, it expressed something inside.

Will I post it here? Maybe after I rework it more :)

Today I'm i a bad way...

and, I don't even know why.

I got serious with my weight loss last week and lost three lbs . Whoohoo, so thats good.

I have a new beautiful niece, Kylie she was born Nov 5th. I should hopefully see her and my brother and his wife by the end of the month.

Michael is doing really well in school. He's one of the best readers in his class, he made A's in math and science (and B's or B+'s in everything else) He's making friends and gets along well with others, he's good at sports and he's artistic (sp. music)...he is doing very well.

I just had a great visit with my sister. Really great, I love getting to know my siblings as adults and shedding the notions of who they once were and seeing how they have changed. I find the older i get I have more in common with some, less with others, and yet we all share a common bond.

And yet...I plagued by anxiety today. I have much to be grateful for, but I have an overwhelming feeling of dread in my heart, and nervous energy coursing through my body. And...I feel like I'm going to burst out crying at any moment.

I had multiple anxiety attacks last night that kept waking me up...so it looks like I have to go back on the sleeping medication for at least a while.

So, what am I anxious about?

1) I don't know. I can't point to any one thing and say this set me off.

2) Money, of course. I know that God will provide, I believe this with every fiber of my being, and I have seen His hand in my life more times than I can count, and yet, I feel a huge burden right now. I know what is happening right now is absolutely what needs to be happening, but, I wasn't built for this.

3) Weather...I'm scared of going crazy again this winter. I'm trying to have a positive outlook, and get outside when it s sunny. I've also started vitamin d supplements, but , when it is sunny, it's also at least -14, which is fricken cold. I'm at work during most of the daylight, so I don't have many opportunities to get outside. Mostly, I'm deeply afraid one of these winters I'm going to lose it for good, even though I have all the skills now and I'm trying to use them.

4) Support Network...All I have time for these days is running the house, so my support has fallen by the wayside. The people I had been depending on for support when I finished my program all needed my support as soon as my program ended, so I was immediately cast into the caretaker role. I don't mind that role, not in the least, but, I feel like I hadn't even fully recovered, and then I had to take on 10 times more responsibility than normal.

5) My job is stressful right now. Taking a day off because I can't function properly is just adding to the job stress, but what can i do?

Overall I'm overwrought, overset, and probably need to call my doctor for a refill of clonazapam, as I don't see anything changing in the near future.

Yipes, it's been a while!

It's been a busy stressful time lately.

What's new? :)

Today, I finally decided I had to get serious about my weight.

I have a LOT to lose. But, I'm not focusing on how much I have to lose.

These are my first goals:

1. Stay on plan all day today. (so far...check)
2. Drink at least 64 ounces of water daily. (need more)
3. lose 10 lbs

When I accomplish these goals, I will re-evaluate.

I have also been concentrating on working on my PCOS, taking supplements that should help, being diligent about my Metformin. My main goal right now is to get my PCOS under control.

I have been checking my blood sugar, and it was on the edge of being scary for a while there, so I really need to get this under control.

So, here I am, actually dieting, trying to exercise, getting proper rest, supplements.

All that good stuff. :)

Hopefully I will see results quickly. :)

Some cute things Michael has said/done lately

This morning, he got up at 7 am, and of course it was dark. He came into the computer room and said, Why are we up so early? I told him it was 7, and time to get up. Then he looked out the window and saw the sun just starting to turn the sky pink. He said, Can you open my bedroom curtains? Sure...no problem. He said, That's so pretty, I've never seen a sunset like that before. I said, well, actually, that's a sunrise. "Oh, well, that's almost the same thing..." Then he got really excited because he saw his first sunrise!

He got a DS for his birthday from his Nonno and Nan. He's been playing his Ben 10 game that we gave him. There is a lot of jumping in it. He's been doing the classic new video game player move...moving his hands and arms instead of just pressing the buttons. He tries to get me to watch him playing the game, but, it makes me sick he moves so much. LOL Maybe he just too used to the Wii. We've also played Mario Kart w/ the three of us, so much fun!

Like I said, for his birthday he got his DS. After he opened all the presents, and he was just basking in the glow. I asked him, so, how was your birthday? His response, "Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome Awesome, Awesome and AWESOME!!"

On Sunday I made a commen to him about being tall, he said, "Yeah, I'm six now I grew from yesterday."

In the car on the way home yesterday he told me a kid taught him all the swear words. So, I asked what words. He said, "Do I have to tell you?" I told him no, but it would be good for me to know so I can explain why it's not a good word for him to use. So he said, "Well, I learned the 'N' word." My heart dropped, he's learning THAT in grade 1?? My knees quaking, I asked him to tell me what that word was... his reply, "Nerdy" whew...crisis averted. blah blah blah, nerdy isn't a swear word, but it's not something nice to call someone. blah blah blah.

"So, what about the "P" word?" he asked. What 'P' word? after some hesitation, he tells me Pathetic. I explain again that it isnt' a swear word. lol We finally get done with the grueling five minute car ride home, and he says he doesn't want to say anymore bad words. LOL

He really is a gem. :)

Couldn't sleep anymore....

I don't know why, it was only about 6:30 on Saturday morning. I kept babbling and babbling to DH, keeping him up when he obviously wanted to go back to sleep.

So, I decided to get up and leave him alone.

I may as well blog and get whats in my brain, out.

First of all, today is Michael's birthday party. This time six years ago, I had been in labour for almost 24 hours. I spent the whole night up dealing with contractions, I had woken Nick up and told him I wanted to go back to the hospital again. We finally got there and checked in at around 11 am. I refused any medication for a long long time. I refused interventions, continuously as I slowly dilated.
The day before when I had first started labour and went in even though it was just beginning because they were going to induce me. I was 3 cms. I had a choice, I could stay there and they could do the induction or go home and let things happen naturally. I went home. When I went back the next day I was five cms. So, 24 hours of labour, 2 cms. And, I had regular contractions that entire time, timeable, regular contractions, getting closer together, the whole nine yards.

So, as I said, I was back at the hospital the next day at around 11 am. I was dilated to 5 cms. I had been in labour since 8:30 the day before. I refused interventions all day long. No drugs, no water breaking, no pitocin, no cervidil. I walked the halls for hours, and hours. Rocked in a rocking chair. Finally, at around 8:00, when I was dilated to 8cms, I agreed to let them break my water, they told me we needed to speed this up for Michaels sake.
That is when the doctor finally discovered Michael was facing the wrong way. Face up. I knew this. I had known this for weeks. I had been asking her, is he facing the right way? She said she couldn't know for sure But, when it came down to it, I knew he wasn't. They had me do some things to try to get him to turn. I think now they were just appeasing me.

At 9:30-10:00, they had 'the talk' with me. My labour had slowed down, the contractions were getting farther apart, , I needed pitocin to kick start things. I told them I wouldn't take the pitocin until they gave me an epidural. LOL I as now dilated to 9. At some point they weren't able to get heart tones reliably through my belly anymore, and they needed to monitor inside. So, now my mobility was limited. (and my labor slowed down even further, what a shock!)

The worst part of my labour was while I was waiting for the epidural guy and getting the epidural. After I got the epi, they brought in a bed for Nick to take a rest, and I tried getting some sleep. After a while, it wore off on half my body, so they had to do up the medication, or redo it, I don't exaclty remember. It was 1:00 in the morning or so.

Finally, at 2:45, the doctor made the call. Labor was slowing down even further. I was still dilated to 9, but Michaels head hadn't dropped at all, he couldn't engage, and just get out. He was starting to show stress from the long labour, his heart rate was going wacky

They woke up Nick, prepped me, and Michael was born at 3:25. 8 lbs 12 ounces, 20 inches tall. I don't remember exactly how big his head was...but it was in the 95%. His apgars were 9 and 10. He was fine. I think he couldn't engage because I cracked my tailbone when I was young, and with his head being big, my tailbone not having as much mobility as it should have, and him facing the wrong way...not the right combo. In the end, it didn't matter. He's here...he's healthy. He's a wonderful, creative, smart, caring, six year old. :)

Six years, I still remember it like it was yesterday. I guess because he's probably the only child I'm ever going to raise I hold onto those memories particulary close. Having had a miscarriage about six weeks ago doesn't help. It was very early, but it was still hard for me.

Anyway, I have a lot to do today. He starts indoor soccer today. For the next 20 weeks, on Saturday mornings he's going to learn soccer skills. After soccer, it's grocery shoppping. (I have to make sure to get the rest of the Thanksgiving stuff)

Then I have to finish his Ben 10 cake. I messed up the light grey icing I needed to make last night, so I have make a new batch. Somehow I ended up with purple icing! I will post pics when I'm done. Then, I have to go to the store and pick up a couple more birthday related things.

Then, it's 4 o'clock for his little party. He's having a friend over we're watching a movie "Honey I shrunk the Kids", then having pizza, cake and presents.

Busy day ahead, no wonder I couldn't sleep!

Michael is almost six...

Nick and Michael are tired of hearing about it...but he's my only one, so as he gets older, I get more nostalgic.

This time six years ago, Michael was almost two weeks late. (orginal due date 9/27) I was taking walks, doing exercising to try and turn him around, and basically despairing that he would NEVER be born. :)

I've been teasing Michael that if he had arrived on time he would already be six. I finally went into labor on 10/10, the morning they were going to start the process for induction, and Michael was born via emergency C-section on 10/12

I can't believe how much my little guy has changed, and our family has changed in that time. I can't believe how quickly six years passes. You blink your eyes, and your little squirmy baby is a Ben 10 watching, bike riding, reading kid, with his own opinions, wants, desires. It's amazing.

Sigh. :) it goes so quickly. :)

Busy Busy!

I'm back at work full time, which is good. But, it is also busy.

I finished my course on Sept 24th, which is good. I'm about therapied out for a while.

In the meantime, I decided to do something for myself. I'm auditioning for a Women's barbershop chorus. It's very fun. The audition process is 5-7 weeks long, depending on when I feel ready to audition. They are a very competitive group, made up of about 100 women. In order to make it I have to have my words and notes 100% correct. So, we'll see how I do. :) The audition songs are Oh, You Beautiful Doll and How Many Hearts Have You Broken? So far, I'm enjoying it a lot. I've forgotten how much I love singing in a big group, I should have done this a long time ago. They put me in the bass section. (Barbershop style has Lead, Bass, Baritone and Tenor) In traditional choirs I have usually been in the lower alto range, but have occastionally sung 2nd soprano or tenor depending on what was needed. She was impressed with my range, but really liked the quality of my low tones...so, bass it was. I wasn't exactly suprised. I find the bass sections are quite fun so far. Not boring at all like I thought they would be. :)

Hmm...what else...

I'm glad I have the opportunity to vote in two Federal elections in the next month (and a bit..) It's a privelege to have the opportunity (responsibility, right) to participate in the process. This will be the first time I get to vote as a Canadian citizen, and I will vote absentee as a US citizen. I am looking forward to it very much, I haven't looked so forward to an election in my life. I took an interesting test today. http://www.barackobamatest.com/ I wasn't surprised at my result.


I have spent a lot of time praying for many of my family, extended family, friends and their families. Lots of people I know have been having a rough time. If that describes you, know that you have been in my prayers. I have been spending lots of time in prayer for all of you. I came across a verse today

Romans 12:12 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer

Next week is mental illness awareness week. I haven't decided exactly what I'm going to do to raise awareness, but, I'm going to do 'something'.

It may just be wearing a ribbon or something, it may be something.

We shall see.

I'm off to watch House.

Update

Where to begin?

I've been back to work two weeks, and I'd say so far it has been a successful return to work. The people did not treat me weird like I was fearing. Everything was back to normal. There was one pushy person who wanted more details than I was comfortable giving, but, I managed to be firm about my boundaries. Yay me!

Today I had a regular chat like I used to with one of my co-workers, so I really felt like things were back the way they used to be. It was definitely a good feeling. I was so scared before I went back I didn't even want to go back. I'm glad I did.

I realized over the past couple days that I haven't been keeping up with my wellness as much as I should have, so I have put plans in place to stop it, right here and get back on track. I now have a meal plan for dinners, I have put exercise back in. (the half marathon is off :( because I got a stress fracture and had to stop running for a while) Also, I've been doing my relaxation again. I'm putting plan in place to get the housework done during the week, to free up time on the weekends. All of that sort of thing. I really should have done these things before I went back to work, but, I didn't. But, that's okay, I'm doing it now.

Why did I stray a bit with my wellness? The past three weeks have been quite stressful. The week before my return to work was really bad. I had to deal with some stuff that really sucked, a lot. Then, school started, as well as going to work. My program has been really difficult for various reasons. Basically, it's been one stressful thing after another. So, I let things slip. As a result, I noticed I've been more tired, and a bit more irritable. I've really felt like I need just a little time to myself. I don't think I going to be able to get that any time soon. However, with the relaxation, and the other things I'm sure I'll be back on track in no time. I already feel better taking authority over things rather than letting the days slip by and sinking a little deeper each day.

I'm bummed that I had to stop training for the half marathon. Unfortunately, I trained to much in too short of time and got a stress fracture. However, I can run again now, and I'm taking it slow. A friend and I are going to go to Toronto in October, we're staying the weekend and running a 10K at the end of it. We're also seeing Dirty Dancing and doing a little sight seeing. So, that is a good goal for me to work towards. I have to keep my training slow and easy, so I don't injure myself again and have to miss out on this race.

The good things? Michael is loving first grade. He's trading bakugon (sp?) with his new friends, enjoying the math and has a teacher who puts a LOT of emphasis on reading. He was very proud to tell us that he has a reading goal last night. He loves reading and is getting quite good at it.

I'm really content for the first time, in a long time. I'm happy here. I know 100% that I made the right choice when I moved up here. I was looking at my facebook account today and noticed how my family was all spread out. It was weird, but for the first time it kind of made me happy to know that the people in my family were comfortable enough with themselves to make the decisions that were right for them, even if it meant being far away from family. I know it's kind of a weird perspective. However, over this summer I've finally, come to terms with living here in Canada. I've finally accepted that it really was my choice, not something that was foisted upon me by circumstance. As a result, the house is starting to be decorated more. Where we live is a great location for walking in the woods, I love doing that. I'd also love to get out to the Gatineaus this fall, I'm hoping for some decent colour. Basically, I'm just happier, and more content with things.

Check back with me mid-march and I'll give you an update on how I feel about things then. ;) Actually, I will be supplementing with Vitamin D and making sure to get outside for at least 15 mins on the sunny days this winter to avoid the crushing depression I had last winter.

Overall, I had a minor set back, but, I'm doing well.

Oh, and I changed the address of my blog because it was just too long before.

Back to Work!

I'm back to work tomorrow!

It's a bit of a scary prospect, I haven't worked at my job since April 25th.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

This evening Michael expressed reservations about how he was going to fit in at his new school in 1st grade...I have reservations about how I'm going to fit in after my four month sick leave. I'm sure everyone knows it's for mental health reasons. Let's hope it goes well.

Some Pictures I took Today

I loved this red leaf. Fall is coming fast.

Who can resist a sleeping boy?

Just another one of my standard paths. I love the walking trails along here. I need to get out and get some pictures as soon as fall hits, then winter. :)

This one I was messing around.

I don't know what those brown things are called, but I love the way it looks in the tall grass.

I came across this on the path. I know it's not a 'real' one, but I wonder who built it. A family out on a walk? A group of daycare kids? Someone practicing with the flat rocks that were in the area?
Lots of people builds these here. They are called inuksuit, and according to http://www.inukshukgallery.com They are monuments made of unworked stones that are used by the Inuit for communication and survival. The traditional meaning of the inukshuk is "Someone was here" or "You are on the right path."

I woke up with a song in my head

Because I need to do a blog about it.

I've been in my day program, and I'm almost finished. I've gotten a lot out of it. It's helped me learn lots of new coping skills, and basically, how to accept my own feelings and have some self confidence. Dh has noticed huge changes in me, how I deal with things. As I change, he has changed, we're dealing together on a whole different level. The past four months have been amazing for our relationship.

I thought as I went through the program, I would end up delving a lot into my past, but I really didn't. But, somehow, as I learned the new skills, slowly, but surely the past issues, came up, and I learned to deal with the past in healthy ways. Some specific things have come up this week that have forced me to deal directly with things that have happened in the past. I've dealt with them very differently than I did before.

What does that have to do with a song?

This has been going through my head since almost the moment I woke up this morning.

This song is for my wonderful DH. I wish I could sing it for you.

It says exactly what I'm feeling.

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Tough Week

I don't want to go into details,

but it has been a hell of a week.

There has been good news on my job front though, I countered what my company offered, and they accepted it.

I'll be returning to work next Tuesday.

Other than that, my life has been in an uproar.